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Fantasy in my head.

Last year I started a new job and there was this young teen woman.   I thought I knew her from somewhere. Then it dawned on me. She was the one that did sexting to her ex-boyfriends in her birthday suit.   Myself and a few others deleted the pictures because we figured she was under age. and turned off 7 (seven) of the websites that we help with to maintain.

Now talking to a family member in front of the place I work. The young teen woman hears her membername and what I did and found out I now know what she looks like in her birthday suit.

I knew her before she knew me.   The only problem is that I am in my 40's and she is around 20.

My fantasy was to be with her. I could not get her out of my head.  I wanted to keep watch on her. To protect her.  To be her "Superman"  but that blew up in my face becuase she was right behind me when I told a family member about those pictures.

I started with my anxiety starting a new job, leaving the other job after 14 years.   When I found out my depression was so bad that my mind made me have split personality disorder.   I thought I was a teenager all over again.

My real age self wanted to be a father figure to this beautifull woman that every guy at work drolls over.  and my teen persona wanted to date her.

The only problem is that she HATES ME!

I have to stay away from her or my heart races, blood pressure goes up and I fell dizzy.  I want to say I am sorry, but I am told to stay away from her.

I even took time off from work to get help.  I am better now, but evverytime that this "girl" shows up for work. I want to quit my job right there and then.

I know that this is nothing but a fantasy in my head.  But my other persona wanted to be with her and could not stop thinking about her. No matter who I was with or what I am doing. She was always in my head.  When I close my eyes she is there in my head.

Now on medicine it does help me to focus on the job. But she is a one pain for me now. Very hard to do work with someone who either hates you or thinks that you are a creep.

So my depression was so bad that it created more anxiety. That in turn made we see things that were not there. That panic attack and everything combined made my mind try to protect me by creating another person in my head.

So every fantasy I was having I wanted it to come ture.

What we do when we have love sickness or "limerance" ?



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