Thoughts-Ponders

Another year has come and gone, I'm a year older but I don't feel wiser.... At 24 there are places I think I should be and places that I really am but getting to the correct destination is a lot harder than it looks. I think I should be at least a college graduate but I havent even finished a full year of college yet. I am working slowly towards my goal. Having Bi-polar is making it hard, I'm trying to make sure I take my meds but it doesn't always happen... I'm very forgetful sometimes. I cannot turn back time I can only work with what I have, I have a wonderful son and a future I hope to be able to show him is possible someday. I'm trying not to dwell on the past and some bad decisions I made, but its difficult to let some things go...

SO in the past few days I have really been thinking about where I want life to go and what its supposed to be about. I am not happy in this life I created for myself and I'm trying to make that change bt as we all know change can come very slowly. I've never been a very patient person so having to complete 2 years of college just to move forward with my life is worth it but its going to take a lot of time and effort that sometimes I don't think I have.

I also have to take into consideration that my son and boyfriend need me around. I've been feeling very stressed and down lately. I wrote a poem that details kinda how I feel. I decided to call it Clever Madness.

As my head begins to spin

My thoughts all jumbled within

One thing stands out to me

I'm who I used to be

I know I cannot change the past

But it seems to be that, my luck is fading fast

So in my dreary misery

I know I somehow have to break free

I have to escape this Dreadful Sadness

And embrace this Clever Madness

Jayden