I have been dealing with depression for at least 12 years. The feelings come and go. Sometimes I feel like it has gone away and I feel normal. Other times I do what I have to do just to keep moving thoughtout my day.

Now a little about myself.

I had my son at 17, married at 18, a daughter at 19, and divorced at 24. My ex husband was abusive and it was while I was with him that my depression started. I built until I felt like I couldn't live anymore. I never tried to commit suicide but I thought about it all the time. If some friends of mine didn't get me to leave him I would have been dead already. The bad thing is that I don't know if it would have been by m hand or his. That is the closest I've ever come to doing it. I had a plan and everything. I was just waiting. I will always be greatful to those friends. They saved my life.

Since then, the feelings have come and gone but they have never been far from the surface. I have struggled through these feelings mostly on my own. Only one of my friends know that they are there. I have a very hard time talking to people. It has always been easier for me to write down my feelings. So here I am.