So why must I start a blog? I don't know if anyone's going to see this or if anyone even cares but writing it and dusting it off my mond sure really eases me. I had a dream last night where I was sitting on this single stool in the middle of a large ballroom. No one was there, just me. But i could hear voices telling me to say whatever I was feeling and to just let everything go - it felt great, it actually felt absolutely amazing. I let everything off my mind and "they" listened. I could feel my cheeks swelling from my smiling in my sleep. I wake up. I check Instagram. It's Independence Day.  I'ts 1 p.m. It's time to go into the bathroom and start all over again. I have a roomate and two friends staying with us for a while during the summer. I go in the bathroom and I start crying again. But hold on, I put the sink on or the shower.. whatever on. So they cant hear me. They wouldn't care anyways but I rather skip the whole awkwardness between us. I start crying becasue I hate how I'm only happy when I sleep, I guess thats why I love my melatonin. It acts as a little sign of hope where I can just get away from all my stress from I don't even know what. I guess thats the worst part. It doesnt come from me not being able to get something, me not being able to do something - it simply comes down to the fact that I can honestly say, I'm eighteen years old - "an adult now" - and I completely, entirely hate the person I am now. It's not that Idon't believe I'm smart, It's not that I believe I'm a sort of a slut. I just hate the person I am, one little aspect turns into hating myself as a whole. Why don't I talk to anyone about it? Becasue I know what the reaction from them is going to be. The typical "She just wants attention - She's just being immature - She's so overdramatic gosh!" I know were not supposed to care about what other people think about us, trust me - I try... but I DO. No matter how mush I don't want to, It kills me inside to even think what I'm doing is making people criticize me. So i rather just keep it to myself. If no one sees it, If no ones knows - no one judges... right? Well well well. Happy 4th Of July - Everyone say 'Merica-Becasue that's what matters today.