I've never realised before how hard it is to grasp the concepts of trust, hope, and belief. I can't stop thinking about James; yet in the back of my mind, all I really keep thinking about is how I'm expecting him to let me down. I never expected this in… more »

I'm almost speechless. There were so many things I was worrying about last night, as well as the fact I thought he was going to bail. I don't know what it is, but I am hooked. I love it when he kisses me, when he touches me. He calls me beautiful, he s… more »

I'm awaiting this evening with a mixture of nerves and excitement. At the start of the day, I was petrified he would let me down- and it wouldn't happen. Now, if he does let me down, then I just have to get on with it. This scenario is of course famili… more »

I've always had rules. A guideline. A textbook for what I wanted in someone. I wanted a job, a good home, a good background, all of the things that I had in order for someone to be compatible with. Then, you meet someone who subverts every single one o… more »

This weekend has one been of realizations, epiphanies, and shocks. - I gave up on James, for good reason. There is no need to so hopelessly pursue somebody and something that has no chance of materializing; even if that's difficult to admit. -It real… more »

I feel nothing. And I like it. I don't feel sad, or angry, or frustrated. I'm just floating, in nothing. It's almost peaceful, in a way. I don't want to see him. In fact, I want to forget about him altogether. It all just fell into place today, in… more »

My feelings are so mixed regarding tomorrow night. All week, it's all I've thought about, yet in the past couple of days, I've thought about it quite differently. Instead of being excited, I just felt nervous and scared. I thought that maybe the anxiety… more »

The week has passed with me wishing the days away. Everything is building up to the weekend, even though I know it's going to be a disappointment. Yet, it's all I think about. It's all that's getting me through the meaningless days and hours. I'm exper… more »

Going back to Brighton was odd and familiar at the same time. It felt like I'd never left. Everything was still exactly the same. I thought that at the end of the day I'd be heading off to my flat for a night in watching TV and planning my next adventure… more »

My day was positive in the sense that I was out of the house for the majority of it. I still don't have a start date for work, yet I feel that it could happen next week, perhaps. But, I'm excited at the prospect of finding something different, permanentl… more »

I want to cry. I want to scream. I want to be silent. I want to wish him goodnight, and that I wish he was here. Although I don't think I really do. I want him to say it to me first, I want him to act like he cares. I don't think he really does. I need… more »

I feel very odd this evening. I can't put my finger on why. Maybe because at the moment, I'm floating on a huge blank canvas...which has its advantages and disadvantages, I suppose. I think I'm just learning and realising I have to let go of things. Li… more »

Disappointment is such a strange feeling. Sometimes I think I'm quite immune to it, because I expect it; but when it does hit me, it hurts. I knew from being ignored yesterday that James wasn't planning on seeing me this weekend, and that was fine. I d… more »

Every part of me feels like it's shutting down. I got dressed and left the house for the first time in a few days, and it didn't even feel good. I felt a panic attack approaching; which I haven't had in months. I tried desperately to work out what was wr… more »

It seems a world away when I convinced myself that a relationship was what I needed to repair my life. I had visions of a knight in shining armour, providing for me, never letting me slip or fall even once. At least I suppose when I entered my relationsh… more »