I hurt ALL the time, my chest constantly feels like I've been stabbed and I can't cope anymore. I've got no-one to really talk to and I feel completely isolated, and people I care most about always hurt me and let me down. Then I blame myself for it. If I try for other people, I feel weak and pathetic. If I don't I feel horrible and hurt. I've been used, lied to and abandoned by selfish, cruel, hypocritical people and I have no-one to talk to about any of it. Every night when I try to go to sleep, I wish I won't wake up. I feel trapped.

Most people really don't understand what I've got to be depressed about. To be honest, neither do I. This is what makes it so much worse when my mother says things like "It will all change, you've got so much going for you, all you can do is look miserable when there are people out there with REAL problems". Truth is, the main reasons I have this depression, not being able to deal with my emotions and thoughts in distressing situations, comes from not being abke to properly express myself or talk to people. I constantly fear being criticised and judged. And for that, I blame her. I cannot talk to her about anything remotely personal, the last time I did she reacted so badly so refused to speak to me and resented me for weeks. Yet she claims I can talk to her. Apparantly I was an incredibly angry child, and it's clear that this side to me has never really gone away. And I hate her. Everything she says or does hurts, annoys or upsets me greatly and I just want to be away from her. Which sounds terrible, I know. But all my other issues centre around the fact that I just can't talk to her.