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Introduction

Hi all, So I have battled with my depression and anxiety for a few years now. I could never really pinpoint why this happened to me and could never understand why I have such a hard time with such simple things that others can just seem to let go so easily. My doctor diagnosed me and put me on medication within the last year. Since then things have been better but my life still continues in this pattern of destruction that is so hard for me to "control". There is my first mistake and reason for my unhappiness. I cant seem to let things just be, I am always worrying about whats going to happen and how its going to/ is making me feel about myself. In a way I have become all about myself. Everyone in my life has said that  Im selfish and dont think of anyone elses feelings. I never really understood that until now. See I used to be the happiest person  I know and everyone I met liked me. I feel like I just kept loosing who I am a little at a time until, its as if one day I woke up and didnt recognize who I'd become. The crucial thing here for you to know and understand is that I know I shouldnt  feel like this and I should be able to just snap out of it. After all nothing is really that bad or wrong. Thats the sad part really, you feel so helpless at your own recovery because the irrational thoughts and beliefs brought on by this illness are deblitating and sometimes I feel theres no way to ever  stop it. That is when I took matters into my own hands, A week ago I did not want to live. I attempted suicide and was almost succesful. I wanted so badly to just make the chatter in my head stop. I feel so weak sometimes and so far away from myself I wonder how the hell I'll ever find my way back. This blog is not going to be a woh is me type blog though. I am tired of feeling like this and beating myself up over life. I want tobuild a wonderful life that I am proud of, me alone. A life where validation is not needed because I validate myself. I want to find my way back to that girl I was a few years ago. I refuse to give in again to this illness, its not who I am.

Introduction

Hi all, So I have battled with my depression and anxiety for a few years now. I could never really pinpoint why this happened to me and could never understand why I have such a hard time with such simple things that others can just seem to let go so easily. My doctor diagnosed me and put me on medication within the last year. Since then things have been better but my life still continues in this pattern of destruction that is so hard for me to "control". There is my first mistake and reason for my unhappiness. I cant seem to let things just be, I am always worrying about whats going to happen and how its going to/ is making me feel about myself. In a way I have become all about myself. Everyone in my life has said that  Im selfish and dont think of anyone elses feelings. I never really understood that until now. See I used to be the happiest person  I know and everyone I met liked me. I feel like I just kept loosing who I am a little at a time until, its as if one day I woke up and didnt recognize who I'd become. The crucial thing here for you to know and understand is that I know I shouldnt  feel like this and I should be able to just snap out of it. After all nothing is really that bad or wrong. Thats the sad part really, you feel so helpless at your own recovery because the irrational thoughts and beliefs brought on by this illness are deblitating and sometimes I feel theres no way to ever  stop it. That is when I took matters into my own hands, A week ago I did not want to live. I attempted suicide and was almost succesful. I wanted so badly to just make the chatter in my head stop. I feel so weak sometimes and so far away from myself I wonder how the hell I'll ever find my way back. This blog is not going to be a woh is me type blog though. I am tired of feeling like this and beating myself up over life. I want tobuild a wonderful life that I am proud of, me alone. A life where validation is not needed because I validate myself. I want to find my way back to that girl I was a few years ago. I refuse to give in again to this illness, its not who I am.

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