June 15th, 2012
The window
Published on June 15th, 2012 @ 10:46:11 pm , using 1031 words, 3209 views
There are a lot of reasons for me to hate my life. First I'm sixteen and my mom kicked me out. She sent me to my dads because I wanted to marry my long term boyfriend who I was in love with she couldn't stand my being happy. Ok so I move my bf loves me and we keep talking but now my dad dosent want me to talk to him and my mom who I'd lived with for my whole life dosent talk to me but I guess I don't really want her to. I keep talking to my bf and tell everyone we broke up. It works dad dosent yell as much. That summer I did very little I had no friends and dad was working. I spent my days at the pool tanning. I gained 20 pounds when before I'd left I had lost 40 and had finally started feeling good about my body so much for that. But I was still fine not depressed yet because iv been through a lot up till then and that wasn't enough to drive me over the edge. I started school met a few friends and we doing pretty good the the A's and B's I used to get turned into C's and D's and my forgiving mom that would have asked me what's up and what could she do to help me turned into a screaming dad placing all the blame on my shoulders. He was angry because he had just gotten divorced from my step mom and she decided she didn't like me anymore. So I ask everyone I know not to many people yet of they can help me with my bad subjects no one has the time. I start eating lunch alone because I'm feeling insecure and they don't really care about me anyways they've known each other since they were little and they all are worth the same and compared to them I'm poor. My dad continues to yell he takes away my opinions telling me I'm not old enough and telling me I'm not old enough to have any rights at all. He loses his job and we move an hour away from my school to live with my grandparents. I figure hey things will get better maybe he won't yell as much boy was I wrong. I traded some of the yelling for comments from my grandparents that involved implying that I'm fat and stupid while telling my younger siblings they never want to grow up to be like me. Using me as an example for what not to do with ur life. I talked to my dad about it telling him I didn't like it expecting him to tell my grandparents to knock it off instead he told me to quit acting like a baby they were just joking. It continued and I even got one tonight my dad told me to try on a shirt it was a large and I put it on it fit but was a little big in my opinion and I said so also saying I could fit in a medium my grandma then tryed it on and looked at me skeptically saying did I really think I could fit in a medium I told her yes she asked me my weight in front of my dad and grandpa and I told her although I'm already uncomfortable with my weight before they started talking about it but that's a different story. Anyways I told her because I assumed not telling her would make them laugh and say something like is it that bad. I told her and she looked at me and said wow u weigh way more then me I don't think u could fit in a smaller shirt of this on fits me. No one said anything tho. But back to the whole picture I wasnt having a good time at school with no friends and bad grades and home wasn't any better. So I figured it's time to call my mom and ask to go home the real one where she at leaste pretended to care she told me no of course I should have known. It's ok tho I thought I have my bf but come to think of it he kinda stopped talking to me so finally I broke up with him for real I thought it would b good I didn't even cry it felt good to b free until I found out that my bf of two years had been cheating on my for two years even going as far as having sex with most for my friends. Just another blow and I was laying in bed wanting to jump off a bridge or in front of a car. No one knew. I got a new bf truly my fairy tale guy everything I have ever dreamed of but lives in a different state so we old talk and txt and no one can know about him bc of that. School gets out and my grades stayed down and the yelling gets worse and it gets and is hard for me to get out of bed unless he makes me so I call my mom again this time she says maybe but she has to think about it because she has to make sure it's right for me did I mention my dad hasn't let me see her for a year she dosent seem to mind too much. Now I'm here trying to not jump out the two story window and wondering what's become of me and how strong I used to be I love my new bf but how do I tell him any of this how do I expect him to understand and not run away screaming. So basically I have no one to talk to and not sure if I should jump out the window would it make things better. Would it save my family from the burden of me being to stupid and too fat to have around. I guess I need help but idk where to get it or how and the window keeps looking better.