So on valentines day i had my wisdom teeth taken out hurray soo not fun. and it was on top of being date less so now my cheeks are all puffy like a chip munck not cool ugh!!!!!!!!!!!

Well last night i got a lot of sleep which is good considering. I fell asleep arround 2:30 and woke up at 2:30 but it sucks cause there went my whole day :(. not that i dont love sleep i just with it would be from 11 pm to 9am you know ugh! Any advice on sleeping???????

I started my day thinking it would be great to go shopping with someone sol i called some people and hey said they were busy so im like oh well ill just have some food and call some one else to go see a movie tonight. So it turns out there is no milk and no creemcheese (great moning/afternoon thing time) one great day this is turning out to be. But im still ok cause i have some other friends i can call to go see a movie with but ohhh nooo thats not happening ether how can it be that no one is avalable isnt that just rediculious so i go to the mall by my self to get what i wanted in the first place a wirles mouse for my laptop yayy it all colourfull. I used to have a awesome lime green one i loved, but my brother broke his and knew i had one so he asked if he could borrow it and ok i said yess cause hes my older brother whome i trust with my stuff. but then he breakes it and blames it on me saying that i dont take care of my stuff better, well thats just stupid. Now he has his own and is away for school so its not to bad, but that also means that i dont have anyone to just go to without leaveing the house or cause worry when im feeling down. I always used to watch him play video games its sooo awesome cause he is really good in my opinion and its fun cause we talk and get along great when we do that. (I miss him!!) but its not like i cant contact him over skype but i dont want to be that way. wow i got off topic the main point is that today just happend to be one of those days that you feel all alone.

I haven't gone to class in a week, im not sure if I want to go.  It started cause i didnt do the hw so i thought i would stay in the library before class and finnish but i ended up watching movies instead. NOT good but then the next day i didnt want to face my teacher and tell more lies so i skiped again. Now ive skiped 5 classes and I dont want to go back i want to drop out of school now and its only my 1st year 2nd semester at college hows that for rediclious?

I love to ack and do inprov it is soooo much fun and it was what i looked forward to doing to most all week. There was audditions to join the frosh group and a theater called "Second storey theater" in dontown poco and i was part of it cause they used to take the people form the sunday drop in course but now my sunday mornoings will be unaventfull. but the drop in course has been moved to monday nights at 7:30 so i can still go and have fun but its at a time that i dont feel much energy so it might not be as fun cause i have insomnia (NOT a good thing to have) but any way i didnt pass the audition so i fet really down and didnt sleep much. I think on averadge i get 2-4 hours of sleep a night. Back to improv the shows that i used to do that made me feel like i can actualy do something i cant be apart of any more :(. I really want to be positive cause i know alot of people that are in the shows and are good and im happy for them but it still hard cause my friend that i am always doing this with got in. dont get me wrong im happy for her but i sill feel like it was the thing that we did together and youknow its our thing. I will never say that to her face cause i do want her to have fun and chase her dreams! :)

That was the highlites of my week yayyy sooooooooo great!!

I have had a hard time with discovering who I want to be and what i want to do. i feel like everyone arroud me knows what theyu want to do and how they are goingt o get there, I may just be parinoied or thinking irrational. There are many things that it could be but I think im just scared, scared to admit that I need help, scared of what I need to do, or scared of the future. So I take everything out on my self, I think there is no hope for me that my life is worthles and just continue to bring myself down and make the problem worse and im tired if it. I want to be the person I show to every one, I dont want to be cooped up in my room all day, I dont want to skip class cause I think its to hard, or maybe I dont want to go because its hard. Im not even sure of who i am anymore cause ive lost my self in my lies. I lie about everything to everyone and i want it to stop. i find this to be very negative and im saying "want" a lot, it probaly sound needy and useless, but I am going to try to get better by saying everything on this blog getting it all out and maybe getting some awnsers.