Lonely World

So today I got a text from my mom saying she got me someone to talk to professionaly. Im thankful in a way to have someone to talk to, but in other ways it makes me feel like it makes me that much crazier. I never thought I would see the day where I would actually have to go talk to a therapist about my problems. Last night was awful. My dad doesn't even acknowledge the fact that I act different anymore and I know he know's. It's just like he wants to overlook it or put it in the corner and hope it goes away on its own. I got to thinking about it last night and ended up crying myself to sleep. I just wish I could start over. Have a new beginning. I feel like I have let so many people down throughout my life and they look down on me for that. I feel like my dad wants me to be someone I'm not and I've been acting like a different person my whole life. He wants me to be this independent girl that is yet closed off to the world. I hate how I feel when he looks at me sometimes like he's comparing me to someone else. I just want so bad to tell him that I am who I am and that he's going to have to deal with that but I can't. I like tattoo's and different hair styles and different clothes. I can't be that person though, I have to be the Southern Bell that everyone looks at and smiles at. Clean cut clothes, pretty natural hair. I don't care what society thinks of me and my looks becuse what does it matter if im not comfortable in my own skin. Im just so tired of worrying about what other's think of me and worrying about the consequences of my decisions. I just want to go out and make those random ass judgement calls and do things spur of the moment. Maybe one of these day's......