ugh, I wrote so much and now it's all gone....stupid computer. ARRRGGGH! I hate my mouse on this dumb laptop. Everytime I tap it by mistake it takes me to another page. Argh!

Anyway, here's the short version. I stopped writing 10 years ago when I used to have lots of friends and now I have very very few. Actually my only friends are exs. who dumped me b/c I'm too depressing and my anxiety stresses them out and brings them down. I have to learn to stop dumping all of my negative energy on someone so, here I am starting a blog.

Yesterday, my anxiety+depression hit a high...again. Today is my apologize day, where I say sorry to my ex for being a bitch and demanding attention during my crying spells. I acknowledge that I overreacted. Apologize for stressing him out. He says, "ok". I know that he's just going through the motions, like everyone else before him that's seen my cycles. Then there are a few weeks where I am fine and then tension builds up again and it starts all over.

This time I am going to try to find positive outlets. So Idon't end up hurting the people around me in the process.

My attack plan:

1. Write in this blogs, if that does not help

2. P90, if that does not help

3. Smoke a cigarette, if that does not help

4. watch tv or movie, if that does not help

5. hope it's time for my daughter to get out of school, so I can parent

6.If it's a particularly depressing day....I have to try really hard to not isolate myself in the house and sit in a room and cry....muster up energy to go outside, play with little one or

7. repeat steps 2, then 1 then 3

OK, so that's my plan. Does anyone else have other suggestions?

By the way, if you have anything you want to talk about in the blogosphere, please feel free to talk to me. I love to listen. I've had friends with all sorts of issues and I've tried to help whenever I can.

I really think my other post was better. :(

Thanks!

ugh, I wrote so much and now it's all gone....stupid computer. ARRRGGGH! I hate my mouse on this dumb laptop. Everytime I tap it by mistake it takes me to another page. Argh!

Anyway, here's the short version. I stopped writing 10 years ago when I used to have lots of friends and now I have very very few. Actually my only friends are exs. who dumped me b/c I'm too depressing and my anxiety stresses them out and brings them down. I have to learn to stop dumping all of my negative energy on someone so, here I am starting a blog.

Yesterday, my anxiety+depression hit a high...again. Today is my apologize day, where I say sorry to my ex for being a bitch and demanding attention during my crying spells. I acknowledge that I overreacted. Apologize for stressing him out. He says, "ok". I know that he's just going through the motions, like everyone else before him that's seen my cycles. Then there are a few weeks where I am fine and then tension builds up again and it starts all over.

This time I am going to try to find positive outlets. So Idon't end up hurting the people around me in the process.

My attack plan:

1. Write in this blogs, if that does not help

2. P90, if that does not help

3. Smoke a cigarette, if that does not help

4. watch tv or movie, if that does not help

5. hope it's time for my daughter to get out of school, so I can parent

6.If it's a particularly depressing day....I have to try really hard to not isolate myself in the house and sit in a room and cry....muster up energy to go outside, play with little one or

7. repeat steps 2, then 1 then 3

OK, so that's my plan. Does anyone else have other suggestions?

By the way, if you have anything you want to talk about in the blogosphere, please feel free to talk to me. I love to listen. I've had friends with all sorts of issues and I've tried to help whenever I can.

I really think my other post was better. :(

Thanks!