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My stuggles.

My name is Margo I'm 18 years old and a teen mom. I am stuggling with depression. I have not been diagnosed with it yet but I KNOW i have it, along with bipolar disorder. My life I guess you could say is easy. More so "simple". I live at home with my dad, sister, Fiance and our beautiful 1 year old son. I guess this all started years ago. But more intensily in the past year. I know why I struggle with it. I am tired of trying to hide in and having nobody to talk to about it. I'm not going to sugar coat things. I feel down every day of my life. I am constantly in a bad mood or crying and moping around. My depression is mostly because of my fiance. He works 60 hour weeks and is never home. But when he is home he spends maybe a half hour to an hour home and just leaves again. This past december and january he has cheated on me more then a dozen times. Which makes me so insecure and depressed. I am constantly looking back on it all the time. I can never stop thinking about it. It just never goes away. The more I think about it the worse I get. I can't go without thinking hes out there doing the same thing no matter where he goes. It breaks my heart and tears me apart. He never wants anything to do with me anymore. Never wants to touch me, hug me, or give me a kiss. Most of the time he wont even let me go to the store with him. He wants "alone time". He's away from me and Aiden for 12 hours a day plus whatver time he spends when he leaves again. Which I can't help but believing he's embarrased of me or something. Everynight we go to bed I don't get an i love you goodnight anymore. He just turns is back to me. And there i lay and cry once again. I'll lay in bed crying for as long as it takes myself to cry myself to sleep. On top of  it all he does is treat me like dirt. I constantly clean our house, take care our child all by myself. I do all the dirty work around here like wash clothes do dished clean the house and have dinner on the table for when he gets home. I get nothing in return but very rarely a thank you. I egt called the "B" word and the "C" word mostly everyday from him.  We've been engaged now for 2 years & have been together now for about 3 and a half years. I got my ring the Christmas morning of 2010. He is the love of my life I could never live without him. I have not been happy since. I am constanly alone all day everyday with my son raising him myself. He almost never helps me & when he does he complains about it the whole time and calls me lazy. Never lifts a finger. Changes a diaper maybe once a week. If that! I am just so tired of it and feel my depression getting worse. I have never been able to talk to him about it because every time i do he says he doesnt care about my feelings or what I have to say. All I want is love from him. But I guess that is too much to ask for. I am young and it is a shame I have the stress and the life of somebody tripple my age.I just feel so useless and unwanted to everybody ansd it is taking a huge tole on me and my relationship. Thank you for listening to my story.

 

 

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