Its Monday…again.. the worst day of the week. Everything aches physically, and Mentally. I have been sitting on my bed for six, seven hours.. I know I should be worried right now. I was hysterically worried a couple of weeks ago. But it seems like I gave up again,.. And the voices in my head don’t exist anymore. Went away so fast but inside I know this isn’t normal. I don’t really know what normal is.. I just feel like I’m at the bottom and still even sinking lower and lower. Days drag on but I keep myself busy .. I try to fill my head with tv shows. Other peoples lives make me a bit happier. In a weird way it gives me hope.. I don’t really know what I get out of watching Dexter.. I guess a weird type of hope that I can still be a murderer and have a bit of a life. However, that hope somehow melts away and I try to get it back all over again. It works for a short time.. But I just know I’m wasting my time. I just feel like I’m some how paralyzed .. I want to get up and do something proactive.. But I feel like my brain is just pulling me down. I guess some can say it’s the lack of self motivation.. Being lazy .. But I don’t know I just don’t know… Ill I know is that I’m wasting my life… I can never get these days back.. But I seem to not give a shit… For some fucking reason, I know I’m so miserable but I cant stop. I feel like I’m giving up on life when it should really be the beginning of my life. I want to feel like how I use to feel.. Feels like I’m never going to find the girl in me again. A small part of me see’s hope but maybe that’s just because I just finished an episode of Heroes. So its Monday and im making this blog to see if this will help.