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the start

March 26th, 2011

Today is my first blog post. I figure if i write maybe i won't feel like i'm the only one dealing with this. I have been dealing with depression for a few years now and as I am now I feel empty like half of my heart is gone. I haven't started to get help although i've made the appointment to talk about being depressed. I have so many nightmares and i am so restless, even now i feel like i am tired yet sleep wont come. it's always the same, i fall asleep only to wake up 2 hours later crying. most of my nightmares are filled with death and destruction. I've yet to have a good dream. my last good dream was in 2009. I feel as though i'm in the tide floating. I have the support of my fiance and his sister and yet i still feel alone. i dont know why but i feel like this is gods way of putting me in hell. everyone says if i keep my head up and keep faith in myself ill feel better but i dont. as of today, it was a good day. first one in almost a month. If i didn't have my fiance i don't think i'd be able to hold myself together. without him id fall down.


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