B*

Lately all ive been hearing is "be strong", "it will be better", "everything happens for a reason" and "the world is a beautiful place". But it's not! Things aren't and the world is messed up. We tell ourselves so much bulshit to try and get us through the day, take away the pain and understand all the confusion and confliction (good and bad) in our lives, but it's not right. The world isn't a beautiful place. It's fucked up and it's creul and it's only placed with beautiful things and moments as a deceit to make us feel like we want to be here, like we have a choice. But we don't! And i couldnt imagine that if we did most of us would still be here.

 I once saw somewhere "There is no magic in the world" and the statement holds more truth to it then we could ever imagine. My magic's gone, all of it! And now more than ever i feel like there's nothing ill ever be able to do to get it back.

Im all alone in this world, we all are one way or another. Some of us are just give a facade of friends, family, understanding, confidence or some kind of hypocracy to either lie to us or save us from the truth.

I single handeldy managed to screw up evertything in my life and the only thing i thought i ever really did ok with is gone- vanished! and now i dont know if i ever really had it in the first place.

My magic was the good in me, the part that succeeded, that could work, that was normal and that was happy.  I said it before! This will kill me, one way or another. And i no longer feel like i belong here or can stay here anymore. There's no more magic left in the world. 

There's no more magic left in me.