The way i am.

All I feel I do is live a lie, hide behind a disguise put on a show, no one sees the real me, they just see the mask on the outside a false me a person whos happy joking bright and sunny but on the inside its fucking raining,  thunder and storming. All I do is lie pretend im okay but im not, but why do I lie. Well that's simple I want to blend in be normal, not feel judged not feel eyes on me for being the black sheep the man, child boy, creature who constantly lives a double life, the person whos problem are "just all in my head". I don't know if any of this makes any sense may just be rambles all confused and muddled up but thats like me fucked up and makes no sense , you know what else doesn't make no sense how I can't devolp a proper attachment to pepole they either disgust and repulse me or I become so madly caring and attachted my very being relys on them my girlfriend for example is the only thing that I currently wake up for in the morning.

Well I know this is kind of a dead stop but I don't want to bore no one, I know what I just wrote wasn't poetic and it got no justice but I just couldn't say what I have to say any other way, am I alone or does any one feel so absurdly messed up.

Anyway I'll write of now maybe I may accutally write something normal for once, but I'll leave this with a fuck you but have a nice day.

Lee

P.s my profanity is no worse then whats in my head I guess but I apolgise for it in hindsight, I'll write something proper next time.

Erm,

Hello anyone who reads this I've never done a blog before so this is my first go.

Well here we go. I will introduce myself and give you a insight into who I am, I'm male 19 and called Lee, from the UK,  I also suffer from dyslexia, (excuse spelling and grammar haha), recurrent depressive illness, obessive compulsive disorder (ocd for short), anxiety issues and intrusive thoughts, but enough of that.

The reason I came to this blog is because my life is so full of turmoil and upheaval I needed a way to vent and also wanted to here back from others who may be in a similar boat.

As we go along I'll write more and document more as it happens. As far now ill say goodbye and I will write again soon.

Peace

Lee.