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Living with a Depressed Spouse: My Silent Personal Battle

Many people do not realize that living with a depressed spouse also leads the partner to be suffering from its blows. And, mind you, these blows were not mild. In fact, whenever I see my spouse struggling with the symptoms of depression, I also feel pain. The kind of pain that no amount of pain relievers could help. It’s just too excruciatingly painful to see my spouse looking so helpless against the symptoms of depression. The most difficult part of it is that she does not know that I am also suffering deep inside.  I don’t want her to know about it. I am her husband, and I need to be strong for her. I need to show to her that I am just right here, ready to rescue her out of that pit of depression.

Although until now, for nine years, she’s still not showing any signs that she wanted me to take her out of that pit.  For nine painful years, I have learned to live a life where my wife doesn’t see me every day. This is because the cloud of depression seemed to make me invisible at home. I can see her. She can see me. But, it feels as though I don’t exist. She just seems too apathetic or insensitive.  During her early years of suffering from depression, there was never a day when we would never fight. I thought that letting go of depression was just a matter of being sensible.  But, nothing seemed to work for my wife. We have been through one therapist after another. We have joined several support groups. We have asked several experts about her situation. But, now I have almost concluded that nothing and no one could ever help her except herself. But, then again this is easier said than done.

When Perfectionism Meets Depression

I have always wanted everything to be perfect. I just don’t have enough tolerance for mistakes. My eyes are meant to see the flaw in everything around me. This is the reason why I suffer from depression.  I feel that nothing is good enough for me. I always think that life is better without these flaws. But, they’re part of the sad reality of life! This fact depresses me so much! Anyone feels the same that I do?

I find it hard to let go of perfectionism. I feel that no matter how hard I try, my performance will never be good enough. I feel that I can do so much better. But, each time I try, I always end up feeling frustrated because I keep on thinking that my best wasn’t good enough! I strive towards excellence. But, I believe that without perfectionism excellence would never be achieved. For me, mediocrity is a sin. So, I need to try hard and to give my very best. But, giving my best does not guarantee me of a flawless performance. Trying so hard does not guarantee that my work will be devoid of mistakes. This frustrates me a lot. This loses my enthusiasm for work. This drains me of my energy. But, how can I cope with it? How can I overcome my never-ending pursuit of perfection? Is there a way out of this neurotic perfectionism?

But, would life still be worth living if I don’t adhere to perfectionism? Isn’t it perfectionism that would make life worth living? Would life be better if I just ignore my flaws and everybody else’s mistakes? How can I tolerate these flaws? Will somebody help me, please?

A Depressed Mind Needs to Be Upgraded

Are you tired of hearing those outdated mantras that have long been residing in your brain? Or, are you among those people who love to adhere to those negative mantras that keep on repeating much like the last song syndrome for people who do not know any other song but only that one song meant to worsen one’s depressive thoughts. Depressed people often believe that they’re not just cut out for anything that leads them to success.  So, they wallow in frustration, self-pity, and depression. They would forever hang on to this negative mantra that they’re “not cut-out” for anything When in reality, they’ve got what it takes to succeed. It’s just that they refuse to be strong enough to let go of these negative thoughts.  They let their negative thoughts gain control over their lives instead of them taking control of their thoughts. In turn, they find themselves going around in circles. They’re trapped inside the vicious cycle of regretting, self-pitying and refusing to believe that they deserve so much better.

If only a depressed person would possess the courage to upgrade his negative thoughts.

If only he would have the determination to steer clear of these evil mantras in his head that are only pulling him down instead of lifting him up.

If only he is brave enough to conquer these repetitive mantras that say he’s not cut-out for anything.

Have you heard of the saying that “If you believe you can’t, then it’s a self-fulfilling prophecy”? This is so much true. Unfortunately, many people diagnosed with depression are having this self-fulfilling prophecy of failing.

But, how about practicing some new mantras? Hey! You can do that! You may have lost your confidence in yourself. But, believe me. You haven’t lost your brain! This goes to say that you are still very much capable of learning a new mantra. How about a mantra that says “You can do something to make your life better.” In fact, you can do SO MANY THINGS to make your life better than what you have now and better than anybody else’s.

You can do something to make your life better. And, you can do it now. Don’t wait for life to take its toll on you. Act now. Stop letting those opportunities pass. Star is grabbing each one of them. You are worthy of these good opportunities! You are worthy to be living a life devoid of these depressive thoughts. In fact, you are worthy of everything but depression. So, get up and get moving. There is so much more to life than just living in depression.

Go ahead, upgrade your mind. Upgrade your thoughts. So you can upgrade your life.

The Need to Disagree With My Thoughts

For depression sufferers, their greatest enemy is their thoughts. A depressed individual is more likely to believe that everything that he thinks.  When his mind tells him that he is not worthy of living a good life, he would immediately think of it as a fact. It may seem unbelievable, or ridiculous but depressed people seem to have their unique way of gathering evidence to support what their mind has claimed to be true.  When his mind tells him that he’s just too overweight to be able to win a woman’s affection, he will take it as a fact. His mind would record it as a fact. Then, day after day he would feel bitter about himself for not having those six-pack abs and the looks of boyfriend material. He would refuse to believe that there are also other men out there who don’t have those ideal looks but are living a happy life with their girlfriend, fiancée or wife.  He would never see these realities because his mind had been clouded with wrongful beliefs and distorted truths about himself. He would see himself as someone who is at odds with the world. He would opt to live a lonely, depressed life because his mind tells him that it is what he deserves. But, it’s wrong. It is WRONG. People should not believe everything that their minds dictate.  They must never lose their sense of reason and logic. Otherwise, they become victims of the judges of depression. Unfortunately, these cudgels would not only hurt their bodies. It can ruin their whole life as well.

Don’t believe everything that is in your mind. You should learn how to filter your thoughts.  You must be vigilant about the good and bad thoughts that come in your stream of consciousness. Be quick at recognizing which is fact and which is a plain fallacy. Be firm in countering these distorted thoughts. Otherwise, you become at risk of drowning in your negative thoughts. The sad thing about it is that these depressive thoughts will lead you nowhere. It will only stay in your mind, refusing to go away for as long as you entertain them. So, get rid of them. Your life would be so much better without these depressive thoughts.

The Seven Years of Depression: How I Fought and Now I’ve Got to Cope


For seven years I’ve been battling with depression. Yes, for seven gruesome years. It wasn’t a good fight. For I fought against myself. It’s never an exaggeration when I say the experience was much like fighting my own greatest enemy. After seven years, here I am finally able to admit to myself that I used to have depression. This is because I used to deny it to everyone -- that I had depression. I feel like I had to deny it and conceal its existence in myself to everyone. Because I see depression as a stigma, a social stigma. I used to believe that those who have it will never get a good chance at living life. While I was battling with depression, I felt like I was living in hell. Happiness was a stranger to me. I stopped seeing my friends; I lost enthusiasm for work and took my family for granted. I refused all types of treatment. Because I never wanted to admit that I had depression.

So, I continued to battle with depression symptoms. I had panic attacks that regularly visit me usually at night. I have this ruminating anxiety in my head that never seemed to stop no matter what I do and where I am. I could hardly eat well. (This is the reason why I lost so much weight). I refused all kinds of invitations from my family and friends. In other words, I became a solitary man. I lived my life all alone in my room. Fortunately, my parents never gave up on me. After seven years, here I am undergoing therapies and treatments for my depression. It feels good that I am finally able to talk about it now. It is only now that I realized that talking about it to other people or in writing could be such a huge relief. It’s like a huge nail had been removed from my chest. Today, I am no longer ashamed of admitting that I have depression. However, today is a lot different from what I used to be during those previous seven years.  I now finally managed to smile and even laugh. I am currently starting to go out with my friends. I am once again enjoying the company of my siblings and parents at a dinner table. But, being treated for depression feels like a full-time job for me. I had to talk to a few therapists, see some physicians and manage my schedule for social gatherings. I had to see my dietitian as well because I need to regain my normal weight.

Gone are those days when seeing other people feels like a plague that I should avoid. Gone are those days when staying in my room felt so much better than talking to other people. Today, I’m still undergoing treatment for depression. But, as early as now I really can say that I’m almost over it. I need to be over it. Life has to go on. It shouldn't stop just because depression symptoms are hindering me from living a good life. I am more powerful than the symptoms of depression. I can stave it off. I can get rid of it. I can keep it at bay. I can leave it dead in its tracks.


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