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Living with a Depressed Spouse: My Silent Personal Battle

Many people do not realize that living with a depressed spouse also leads the partner to be suffering from its blows. And, mind you, these blows were not mild. In fact, whenever I see my spouse struggling with the symptoms of depression, I also feel pain. The kind of pain that no amount of pain relievers could help. It’s just too excruciatingly painful to see my spouse looking so helpless against the symptoms of depression. The most difficult part of it is that she does not know that I am also suffering deep inside.  I don’t want her to know about it. I am her husband, and I need to be strong for her. I need to show to her that I am just right here, ready to rescue her out of that pit of depression.

Although until now, for nine years, she’s still not showing any signs that she wanted me to take her out of that pit.  For nine painful years, I have learned to live a life where my wife doesn’t see me every day. This is because the cloud of depression seemed to make me invisible at home. I can see her. She can see me. But, it feels as though I don’t exist. She just seems too apathetic or insensitive.  During her early years of suffering from depression, there was never a day when we would never fight. I thought that letting go of depression was just a matter of being sensible.  But, nothing seemed to work for my wife. We have been through one therapist after another. We have joined several support groups. We have asked several experts about her situation. But, now I have almost concluded that nothing and no one could ever help her except herself. But, then again this is easier said than done.

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