... a depression and anxiety blog and chat room community.

Bookmark and Share

im here

Im here, that in itself is an accomplishment. You may wonder at the name of the blog. Why Oleander? I have been so depressed and suicidal, and feeling like I amonly hurting everything around me. The only thing that was making me feel like I had some amount of control in my life was researching suicide. I know that must sound strange, but in a strange way it gave me a little peace that I could have at least that much control.  How could a flower so pretty, even the name oleander is pretty, be such poisen.  Thats how I feel, like I am poisen to everything around me.  I want so much for the pain to stop. I am holding on for my kids but its so hard, I feel so lost. My husband and I are having so much problems right now, he wants to hold me and I want to cringe, and its nothing he did, its what I did, and how i let it fester for so long, i dont know if i can love him anymore and it hurts so much to see him hurting, i dont want to hurt him, but i dont know anymore, i dont know if i can love anymore, i have hurt so many and i hurt so much and im so lost. im sooo tired. Every day is a new torture, every day is a new pain, he cries all the time and its killing me and i still cant feel.

this is day two on new depression med and i dont like the way its making me feel, like all keyed up and shakey, im hoping it calms down, i dont want to feel like this all the time, this is almost as bad as the depression.

Send feedback » more...

Depression Blogs - Depression Journals - Anxiety Blogs - Anxiety Journals - Depression Chat Rooms - Anxiety Chat Rooms

Copyright 2010 www.depression-blogs-chat-rooms.org All rights reserved.