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February 2020
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again it happens again
I have the error of a lot of peoples actions. HBut never did I think tha t o would do it. they just to prove a point. so now the person that I helped straighten their life out to be a better spouce,lover and friend is unable to be there for me. see i was unhappy drinking a lot and I fooled around with this girl. and didn't say a word to my spouce. I did wrong. a bad choice that I thought was eceptable. because. I didn't carry through. didn't stop soon enough was the real aspect of it. see I love christy and the kids. but I was unhappy with myself. she had steped. out on me and the kids several times to have fun. and I always forgave her it taking Alil more of my happiness away each time. See i felt second choice. but In time I soon realized that i was the one always there for her. and her for me that i knew she would overcome these things in time if we worked together.but she doesn't believe this or has lost love for me. I am trying for closure but she won't talk to me she says that she isn't ready. I was a lazy spouce. and im starting church and work . I pray but hear no answers. I am scared of what I might do without them. its like my soul is broken. and its taking all my strength to say no in the world I was sent back to( dope boose and pills). I won't fall into that again yet my options are limited. in the past week I have thought to take my life 2 times chemicaly and it hurts that I'm still here. I have hope to feel love again from my love goddess .I am sorry bout everything in my life. exept. christy starting the day she pulled into hippies house and Dylan I was to hard on but he is great then there is Kelsey beautiful and smart. I love them
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again it happens again

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