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Phase 1....trying to explain myself.

12/18/10

Permalink 02:17:31 am, by payton34 Email , 239 words   English (US) latin1
Categories: payton34

Phase 1....trying to explain myself.

So I suppose I should put something down...I have a real problem with feeling unwanted and unloved. I know my wife and kids love me, but its everyone else I think about. I get very upset when friends dont return calls, texts, or anything even though I know they are all busy. In my mind it feels like they are just ignoring.  Thats my starter. I have a huge anger problem, although I never ever lay a hand on my wife or daughters. I just get  very upset and yell or pound on other things.  Last weekend we went out drinking and I was basically trying to start a fight so someone would whip my ass. I never planned on throwing a punch. I just wanted to feel as much pain on the outside as I do inside and that way I didnt have to do it myself. I have never put a gun to myself or cut myself, but I have often thought of it. I really dont think I would. I absolutely have to stop drinking because it does not mix with my meds and without fail at some point I will lose my cool and become a total ass to everyone around.  Thats all I have right now, because I am trying to figure out how to write what I feel.  I want to get better to improve my marriage and my role as a father.

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