So I told him. Yes it might have been at 2:30 in the morning, and not face to face as I had hoped. I wish that I didn't have to hide behind a computer screen to admit anything, I just don't have any confidence in myself.

I wasn't sure what to say to him, it just all came out. Just about how I don't like myself, and how I'm sorry. He had questions that I couldn't answer, he didn't see my answers as valid. And they aren't really, he wanted a factual answer, not an opinionated one.

He wants to help me, he wants me to let him help me. But I do need to open up to him, and I hope that I will be able to do that. I really do.

Because I can beat this. I will. Eventually.