Ok, so its been a long time since I last typed here. I have been too ill to form readable and understandable sentences. I think I need to type this I think I have a physical addition to opiates. My body wakes me up in the middle of the night so that I can take some more tablets. 8mg is not enough sometimes. I feel that they are absorbed after an hour, and sometimes I get cravings for a higher dose. Sometimes I have 5 doses a day because I cannot sleep because I am craving it so bad, and having withdrawals. I have been taking the tablets approximately 3hours or 3 and half hours rather than the four to six hours the nstructions say.

I have a persona called Brae who likes alcohol and drugs. I am scared that Brae will take over. My current medication includes the maximum amount of paracetamol you can take in a day, and 8mg of Codiene phosphate four times a day. It also includes pregabalin which increases the effects of opiates and medications in the benzodiazapine group. With the pregabalin I cannot take alcohol.

Brae likes alcohol and drugs. I have cravings of things that I haven't taken knowingly and the sensations of certain prescribed medications but in dangerously high quantities. I am scared Brae will take over and make me drink alcohol and take lots of codiene filled pills. The problem is the codiene is in the tablet with the paracetamol. This stress makes me want to tell Brae to take over and take a lot of stuff.

To recap from previous blog entry:
In the early hours of Thursday 7th March, I was persuaded to contact a medical professional about some pain (plus nausea, urges to vomit, dizziness, disassociating in a really weird way, feeling like I'm about to pass out etc etc) in the ovary area. Anyway, in my local area you call something called an 'out-of-hours service'. This basically is a receptionist who takes the details, passes it onto the nurse to discuss it further. Despite this nurse didn't understand I don't do phones, was in pain and was kinda freaking out anyway she told me to go visit the medical doctor at the emergency room at the local hospital. So, at my friends' insistance I went. After being prodded and poked in the painful areas, being asked to cough (which hurt), providing a urine sample (on the plus side my parauresis decided to not be a bitch) for him to dip test and quite handily fill a bottle my doc asked me to fill for testing (incase of kidney stones). The dip test thing results were that there was only a trace of infection (aka white blood cells), and a trace of blood. After discussing the likelihood (or lack of) for an ultrasound scan on the area that morning, and potentially calling in the surgeons to have a prod etc, I got given trimethoprim (antibiotics) and naproxen (painkiller, like a stronger batch of ibruprofen).

Continuing on from this:
The medical doctor had told me to take the antibiotics for the full three days, but if nothing had changed after two days to go to the emergency room. So, on the second day the pain had increased (using a pain scale of 0-no pain and 10-worst pain ever, when I visited the medical doctor it was fluctuating between 4-4.5, after two days of antibiotics it was fluctuating between 6-8). My friends called the out-of-hours-service again, and they wanted to talk to me to verify it was ok for them to talk to my friends. However, I ended up doing the talking thing with the receptionist who was very very nice (it was a different one). She basically told me to go straight to the emergency room. So, that is what we did (me and a friend in tow).

So, going to the emergency room, I get given a pot to pee in (paraeurisis decided to play up and not let me pee for ages -curse thee!). I get led to a bed, given a gown and a blanket and told politely to get changed (apparently they don't ask people to get changed unless they think it is serious). A nurse requests that in addition to a dip test with my pee, they also do a pregnancy test. Ok, fine -if I am about to give birth to the second Christ I guess it would be nice to know (and apparently I am not!). I get my temperature taken, pulse, oxygen saturation percentage blood pressure taken (and the top number is a good 23 points above my normal amount, so still not bad during a mild panic attack and being in pain). I then get my blood sugar taken (normal), an ecg (electrocardiogram, photo of the hearts function). A doctor comes in and wants my blood, but makes me put my arm in a weird position (I find out later that it messed up my vein for my next blood draw at the doctors, fingers crossed it heals ok). Anyway, all the measurements and testings appear to be within normal limits, and apparently I have enough bodily fluids to fill various sample bottles. So, that is good. They ask me various questions, a doctor comes in to poke, prod, push and examine.

They ask me the pain question (yes, on regular naproxen and antibiotics the pain has increased, I still feel dizzy, nauseus, with urges to vomit, etc etc). So the doctor suggests they get me some voltarol, and he says that the only route it can go in is PR (via rectum). Now, the generic version of voltarol is Diclofenac Sodium and I know it can be in tablets and suspension (via the mouth), and via a IV drip, in addition to the route recommended. I ask the nurse and she explains that the reason they wanted it to go via the rectum was due to its quick absorption rate. Fine, I agree and other than feeling a bit more dizzy, and after a while it felt like I had eaten a rather hot curry nothing much happened. I told the nurse, and when the doctor came in I was told 'it was weird' because it should have an effect. The doctor writes a referral for a lower torso CT scan, and prescribes me Co-codamol 30/500 (30mg Codiene Phosphate and 500mg Paracetamol per tablet) and says I can have up to two, and I can take it with the naproxen. My friend and I leave the emergency room once I am changed, arrive back at my friend's house and I take the naproxen and the 2 co-codamol tablets and sleep.

So, since then I have been waiting for a phone call from the CT scan department about when my appointment is/will be and have been taking regular naproxen and co-codamol. Most of the time I am taking the two tablets of co-codamol, but sometimes I have been taking only one. In addition to the naproxen, one tablet of co-codamol, I have taken lorazepam in addition for pain relieving properties and the  hope I can sleep through the majority of the day to lessen the amount of tablets I take. The pain wakes me up when the effects of the tablets wear off. The co-codamol I can only take every 4 hours (a maximum of 8 tablets in 24hours), the effect of the co-codamol lasts 2 and a half to three hours. So, I am in agony for the last hour or so. The naproxen I can only take once every 6 hours, and that doesn't tend to do very much.

Since then, I have been more dizzy, having stronger urges to pass out, sweating profusely, I have thrown up, and despite drinking lots of fluid have pee that is dark brown, with red in. This is confusing me, and worrying me. My stomach has swollen since I have visited the out-of-hours medical doctor, and I look almost twice the size I was. It scares me to know that I could be bleeding internally if my friend is correct, but it also doesn't scare me. I hope that I have a result in the scan of something serious because I hate the idea that I could have just wasted people's time and resources for something minor. I think I am scared because I am actually looking after myself, even if it is because of pain that I cannot control. I am annoyed that it took for that for me to start giving myself permission to rest, to not feel too guilty about not accompanying my friends to go shopping etc.