i am up today. i have many things to worry about. i can always find some even if they don't exist. why do i have to live with such sepresion and anxiety. even leaving the house is hard. i wish i was invisable at times. tomorrow i have to go to the dr. this is one of the hardest things for me. it can lead to panic attacts. i wish it wasn't so hard. i wish i could quiet the string of worries in my head. all the way from will the chair be comfortable to will they want me to stand up for anything. i use a wheelchair bue to my ailling back. racing thoughts are my life. i want them to end. how can i smile again? this all leads back to the guilt of not being the person my family needs. i see my childrens faces the baby faces that are growing up so fast. i did a devotional last night. i am glad i did. i have to find a way out of the doom and gloom. i want to help others, be there for my family. it all seems verry overwhelming.