About a week ago I went to to grocery store with my daughter and had a feeling that I have not had for quite a long time. I was, for the entire time, thinking about money--how much does something cost, can we afford it, will spending too much now make us broke at the end of the summer?
One of the major catalysts for my depression was our lack of money. I was always worried about it, and the anxiety that went along with it was often very hard to deal with at times.
One of the realities of having a painting company is that at times, especially if you are a small company, you will have periods when you have no work. This is especially true when you are just starting out. I was lucky when I started out in that I got a few really big jobs that kept me busy from relatives, and I was able to get several small jobs to fill in the gaps. My luck has run out.
I knew it was coming, but I wish it had come at a better time. We are almost always on a budget during the summer. my wife gets a big check at the end of school year and then nothing until late Aug. to early Sept. To most this does not sound to bad, but the problem is that most teachers get paid 26 checks a year. For some reason the school district that my wife works only pays 24 weeks a year. It is the same amount of money, it is just that we get used to so much money a month, and then she gets to less paychecks during the summer--the time when you wish you would have tons of money.
So, now I have not had a call for awhile, and I am trying not to freak out.
Gary Greenberg, who wrote Manufaturing Depsression has a new book titled Book of Woe: The DSM and the Unmaking of Psychiatry. I have not read it, but seems like it will be a very scathing indicement of the DSM.
If you have read my past posts, you will know that I am not a fan of the DSM. I recently saw a segment on the news which stated that coffee withdrawal has made it into the new DSM. Not sure if it is full-fledge psychiatric disorder, and I do mistrust the media's dissimination of medical news--they never bother with the details.
Well, just thought that I put this information out there in case anyone wanted a good summer read.
It has been a long time since I have written. I have been very busy, which I guess is kind of an excuse.
In the past I have argued depression is not necessarily a disease. If you look back at my posts, you will not that I am in no way trying to claim expertise on the subject. I once believed that it is a disease. It has been turned into a disease my the APA, so that our "disease" can be categorized and easily fixed with a magic pill. If you want more on my opinion on this issue read later posts.
Well, recently I read Tyler Hamilton's book on doping in professional cycling and his time riding with Lance Armstrong. He did not hold back and was not kind to his erstwhile friend and ex-teammate Lance Armstrong.
I found the story very interesting, but the one thing that really stuck out to me, that might not to the more casual reader, is Hamilton's admission that he suffered from depression. He does not go into great detail. But, he mentions that when the cycling authorities began beefing up the testing of banned drugs, and especially once he was caught he was severely depressed.
Once he comes clean and moves to Montana, away from all of the stress of his former life, his depression subsides.
It seems to me that this once again demonstrates that depression is not so much a disease as it is a inability to effectively deal with life's constant pressures.Enjoy life, Peter
I hate doing it, but I do it anyways.
We have not gotten a lot of snow, which means that I could ride. But, it has been very cold, and I have limits on how much I am willing to withstand in order to get a ride in. I generally like it to be at least 40F. We've had some warms days, but I have been working a lot. this means that I will not get home until right before it gets dark.
So, my only alternative is the trainer. I could use Wii Fit, but that seems to only be beneficial to individuals that are seriously out of shape, or that only want a light workout. So, I don't use Wii Fit, which brings be back to the trainer.
So, I get on the bike and spin. It is very boring and the trainer is loud. The one advantage is that I get to listen to my MP3 player while I ride. I hate it. The only advantage, as a cyclist, is that I will be in better shape when the warm weather arrives.
However, there is the more important advantage. If I do not exercise, I fear that I will get into a funk. At the very least I know that I will put a bunch of weight on, which will most definitely put me into a funk. So, I attach the bike to the trainer and I spin, spin, spin and go nowhere.
Getting better, and staying that way is not easy. I had to do things, and continue to do things, that I knew would be good for me, but I did not want to do. I had to do the taxes that I put off for two years, I had to get out of bed and keep my mind active, I had to find an alternative to meds, and know I have to get on the damn trainer and spin even though I hate it.
The good news is that we just had a huge snow storm and tomorrow I get to get outside on my snowshoes.
Here it comes again. The winter blues.
Nothing was more depressing for me, when I was depressed, than the short cold winter days. And, I am one of the few that I know that enjoys the winter months. It's the darkness that I dislike. As I write this from my New England town at 4:17 it is already dusk.
If you feel more blue during the winter months I suggest that you get outside. The worst thing that you can do is hibernate inside for the next three months. Even if you hate the cold, it is important that you get out and soak up some sunlight. Even if it is just a short walk around the block, you really need to get outside.
Try to think of yourself as a rechargeable battery and as the sun as the charger. The more time you spend outside, in the charger, the more energy you will have to get through the day.
Now, I am not a sun worshiper. In fact, there are few things that I dislike more than sitting on a beach all day getting fried by the sun. However, I know that I feel much better after I have spent some time outside. One of the main reasons that I hate using my trainer (a trainer is what cyclists attach their bikes to so that they can ride inside) so much in the winter is that I do not get the same feeling of renewal that I feel after I ride outside. Therefore, I find myself outside waling in the woods more during the winter. I am lucky enough to have a huge forest within walking distance of my apartment.