Five years ago today I was admitted to a hospital.  Life had gotten too hard.

I had lost three jobs as a teacher, and had lost all hope.  I could not face looking for another teaching position, which I was sure I would loose. I could not even bring myself to look for any job.  Doing simply things like getting out of bed and doing chores drained all of my energy.

But everyday I did get out of bed. And everyday I forced myself to keep my mind, if not by body, active.  Even tough I had lost most of my will to live, I had a daughter and wife that I adored.  And, I wanted to get better for them.

Realizing that the drugs were not working, I started to see a therapist right after I got out of the hospital. It was a short stay--less than a week.  He had a wonderful treatment called neurofeedback.  The neurofeedback and talking to my therapist eventually got me to the point were I was able to feel good about life.

It was not easy.  On days that I was not able to ride my bike to my appointments, I would often have to take the bus.  Were I live, public transportation is not easy.  My one hour appointment would turn into a four hour event.  But, I stuck to it.

Eventually, I got to the point that I started to feel good about myself again, and started doing things that I had enjoyed before I became depressed.  I went on hiking trips, and camping trips.  I started riding my bike with a vengeance.

If you are in a deep depression, you are living in misery.  You must remember that the depressed person is not who you are.  You have to get up every morning and say to yourself that you are going to kick that depressed person's ass.  On some days you are not going to have the energy--the depressed person is going to beat you to a pulp.  There are days that I found unbearable. But, I kept punching and kicking for my survival.

You have to think about defeating depression as if it was one of cylcling's grand tours--you know, like the Tour de France.  The reason that the Tour de France is such a great sporting even is that it takes true grit.  I love football, and I played it in high school.  But, the massive football players are wimps in comparison to the  puny professional cyclist.  The Tour de France is a twenty-one stage race.  It covers just over 2,000 miles.  Participants cannot take a day off (there are usually two rest days) they cannot take a time out.  If they get injured, they ride or they drop out.  One of the greatest cyclist of all times, Eddy Merck,x finished the race in second place with a broken jaw.

Everyday, when I was depressed I got up, and I did what needed to be done.  Some days it was just getting through the day.  Some days it was going to the therapist, or psychiatrist.  Some days it was getting on the bike when I did not want to ride.  And. often it took all of my energy to get through the day.  But, I knew that if I gave up, I would loose.  Just like a cyclist in the Tour de France will loose if they give up for just one day.  I did not win everyday, nor does the winner of the Tour de France (the winner of last year's race only won one stage of twenty-one).  But, in the end I won.  I kicked depression's ass.

Enjoy life,

Peter