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Four years ago I was 21 years old, I had just started college, just started dating my boyfriend, I was hanging out with friends and enjoying my life to the fullest everything was amazing and I thought that nothing would ever change.

THATS when my whole life came crumblind down.

So here I was a year later struggling to get through school because I wanted to stay in bed all day I didn't go out with my friends anymore, I stopped doing the things that I always enjoyed doing in life. I just couldnt figure out why I was feeling this way one minute I would be fine and the I would be crying and feeling so sad for what seemed like no reason at all. I was feeling so lonely att the time even though I had so many people around me. I started gaining weight because I stopped exercising and going out as much which made me feel even worse.

One night I just couldnt take it anymore I wanted to die I felt like there was no reason for me to be here anymore. I felt like my parents, sister, and my boyfriend would be better off without me in their lives because I felt as thought I was bringing them down with me. This was the breaking point for me and I knew that I needed help but I was too embarrassed to tell anyone and then I finally told my sister how I was feeling.

When I finally went to the doctor (about 6 months ago) I broke down because I was so embarrassed I didnt know what I was suppose to tell my doctor. When he diagosed me with with major depression and axiety I went home and cried for hours.

For the past six months since I have been on medication it has been a HUGE struggle I had changed my medication about 3 time before I finally got the one that works for me. I started to feel great and then I started spiraling out of control again basically because of my boyfriends family.... Maybe Ill write a blog about them later.

I'm scared that my whole life is going to change because im so scared of losing the people that I love (including my boyfriends family who I considered my family) I really hope that things start getting better agian instead of worse.

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