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Breather

It was a tough start to a week with one thing or another and to be honest I guess I shouldn't of been too surprised after the weekend blues...but I have to admit the support I have received from work colleagues, friends,family has been overwhelming...it has really hit home that by being honest and open about my depression and anxiety...that not everyone is going to judge like you worry they might ...there are more open minded people who generally care about you more then you ever realised or thought ...this is what I have realised and its opened my eyes ...that with support I can move forward, hold on my hope,have people I can be myself with and if I need to cry I can let it out. I'm glad that I have learnt this other wise If I hadn't off opened up were would I be..?? I'm not out of the woods yet ...I know I need to slow down ...I made the attempt to attend my evening class ...and although I stayed 2 hours out of 2 and half hours ....I couldn't concentrate,focus;got more frustrated...and eventually left early for I could feel the tears building up. Lesson learnt from this...yes some times to good to try and keep busy but sometimes over doing it just burns you out quicker..you gotta pace your self and if you do say yes don't put pressure your self to do what you would normal do if you weren't going through this period of depression/anxiety. The one thing I did feel for going was at least I tried it ...I could have easily curled up and hid form the world...my duvet was calling me ..I just wanted to wrap it around me like a piece of safety and armour...but at least I gave it ago..it's an achievement but next time if I'm really struggling I see how I feel...maybe an evening which included worry time/putting CBT into practice /using mindfulness/going for a walking some exercise might have been worth considering more. But its hard to judge things ...because sometimes when your down if you miss one things it harder to get Yourself motivated.. to go back so I think that is why I pushed myself to go ...I was worried it may roll into me missing more classes and although it's not my ideal class I don't want to give up on ...deep down I know what ever result I get at least I tried. All I know is I need to try and balance things its tricky I guess I have to weigh things up on the scale of life. I'm going to try again with my doctors again to more hopefully 3rd time lucky and will definitely be contacting my other support ...and the conclusion about the promotion debate ...is to make a decision once I have sorted my medication and speak to someone...I do not want to rush into a decision I may later regret ...because my mind is all over the place.I need to rest now so take care to you all xx

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