Every day is just a day where I sit here wondering why I am so alone. Now the kids in our neighborhood are all shunning my 9 year old son because the adults that shunned me influenced them. We are the butt of the jokes, we can hear people out the window sneering at us and making fun of us. (I am overweight and the big thing is to talk about my "fat a$") We can't leave the house if people are outside because the kids refuse to play with my son, the adults encourage the kids to taunt him, and when he gets upset he gets yelled at. I can't go outside with my dogs or even to get the mail unless I check first to make sure nobody is outside. The women all run in a group, between 3 to 5 of them depending on the time of day.

I'm not scared of getting jumped, I can hold my own with up to 3 of them at once. I just don't want to go to jail. I know they would jump me then call the cops and it would be their word against mine. The cops here would straight arrest me and then what happens to my son?

My son has been crying most days asking why everyone hates him. It breaks my heart and I don't know what to even tell him. His dad has been treating us like crap and I want to get him out of here but we need to move and his dad helping us is the only way to get out of here. If I try to move on my own I won't be able to afford it. His dad is also keeping most of these people off our backs. Whenever he isn't here funny crap happens:

• Last week he spent the night at his uncles. The way my outside steps are set up is I have a wooden moveable deck. My door is 5 feet above the ground. Well my steps were moved just enough it wasn't immidiately noticable especially because it was dark, but just enough that there was a gap and when I walked out of the house I almost fell down the steps and hurt my back grabbing the deck to keep from falling. These steps are very heavy and the only way they were moved was on purpose.
• My ex best friends fiance has been putting the trash out wrong and racking up $100 tickets and blaming us.
• My ex best friend is not a good housekeeper at times and will let her litterbox go over a month without cleaning it. Our landlord was downstairs at her house and confronted her because it stank. She told the landlord it was MY house that stank bad, that it always smells, and that I have a TON of animals he doesn't know about up here. I do have kittens he doesn't know about because my one cat got pregnant before she even went into heat, (and based on when the were born, the same week I got my male cat nuetered, just my luck) my landlord knows about all my other pets though AND I keep my house VERY clean. We have therapists in weekly for my sons autism, and I have moderate OCD. I spend a lot of time cleaning. I own my own steam cleaner, I clean my litterboxes daily, and my house always smells like homecooked food, or my scented wax warmers. I pride myself on how clean I am.
• Hoses, bikes, and other things are piled at the foot of my outside steps all the time in the dark and I almost trip on them constantly because it is hard to see.
• Last night, my ex best friends fiance was on a ladder cleaning the gutters. My bedroom screen got mysteriously slit, ripped part way off the frame, and pushed into my bedroom. I know it wasn't any of my cats because 1) there are NO claw marks on any part of the screen. 2) the screen was very securely in the frame before this. 3) it is ripped away from the screen pushed INWARD not PULLED inward, 4) there is a slit in the screen exactly like if someone sliced it with a box cutter, and 5) there is a lamp and a table full of knickknacks directly in front of the area that is pushed into the house. If any of my cats had been hanging on the screen and managed to rip it from the frame they would have fallen directly back into the lamp and table and everything would have been knocked over.

I have to get out of here. I feel so alone. My son feels alone. I have never made friends or trusted people easily. Things like this betrayal and bullying have happened to me all my life, even from my own family. Now my ex friends are flaunting their friendships and that they ditched me. They sit outside under my bedroom window for hours talking and laughing as loud as they can, they make a HUGE show of leaving together to go places and make sure EVERYONE hears how fun it is, my ex best friend will grab her kids and make a big deal about announcing they are going to the park when my son comes outside. It is every single day this stuff happens. This is hell. I've been the bigger person this entire time, and haven't said a word to anyone or confronted my ex best friend. It's getting harder and harder to bite my tongue. I don't know what I did to deserve this and I don't know how to ever trust anyone again. I'm 34 years old, and it is like I am back in high school and back to being bullied and shunned by people who think they are "popular". Every day is a struggle. My mom was the only other person I had, and she was the one I would have called and talked to about all of this. But she is dead. Tomorrow is the first mother's day I will spend without my mother. I have nobody now and I am so alone and I cry all the time. I am so angry that I am worried I am going to lose it and go confront these people and end up in jail.

All I can think about is how mad I am right now. I'm mad at my ex-"friend", I'm mad at the people who instantly took her side without ever even knowing a THING about my side. I'm mad at the ADULTS who are all acting like HIGH SCHOOLERS. I'm mad about the fact that an 18 year old friendship could be ruined because she was jealous and wanted to be queen bee and top dog. I'm mad that I am alone and frustrated. I'm mad that I was honest and tried to reach out to this "friend" in December and she pretended to understand and acted like the friendship mattered. I'm angry at her and

I want to confront her and instead I am sitting here being the better person because no matter what I say to her or to any of the other so called adults I was erronously calling friends, they will just listen to and believe her. I'm mad that I now have to move, and the only way I can do that is if I move to a new place with the guy I never wanted to live with again. I'm mad that I am a good, kind, nice, helpful, friendly, funny, sweet person, and that I moved here 2 years ago hoping to have a fresh start. I am mad that I extended myself and tried to be a real friend to people. I'm mad that I trusted my so called best friend to actually BE a best friend.

I'm mad that I put myself out there to people and was open and vulnerable just to be shown that it was stupid and that I never should have done it. I'm mad and all I want to do is scream at the stupid b*$@^ that I trusted and spent 18 years confiding in. I want to punch her and scream "WHY DID YOU BACKSTAB ME" and instead I will shove it all inside, and be the better person, and not sit in my yard because they all are always out there, and I won't go outside with my son so there won't be a confrontation in front of the kids, and I will ignore all of them when they show off outside below my window trying to make me jealous and trying to hurt me. I'm not hurt, I'm PISSED. But I will stuff all the anger inside and hold my head high in the air and ignore these nasty people, and I will be the better person and stay inside until I move, and start all over again. And I will never trust people again.

Not sure what to do. To sum up a very long story:
I have been in a bad relationship on and off for 14 years. He has untreated mental illness and drug and alcohol problems. When he is sober he is great and the mental illness isn't that bad. But he is rarely sober anymore. We have a child together that has 16 diagnosis ranging from autism to ODD to tourettes to global developmental delays. I am his full time caregiver with him almost 24-7 and homeschool him. He does NOT qualify for much intervention because he is too high functioning for autism programs and because he has autism programs for other disabilities won't take him so I have very little help. My family sucks. They suck so bad asking them for a kleenex isn't even an option.

I am disabled and legally blind. I do not qualify for disability by literally a hair. I went through the entire disability process and meet all the requirements but 2 and those I almost meet but I was denied all the way through my final appeal. Im too disabled to work but not disabled enough to get disability. The only income in my home other then my sons SSI is student loans because I am in online college with full disability accommodations but my loans are not regular and vary in amount. Im hoping to be able to work from home when I graduate and pull some kind of income in and still care for my son and work around my disabilities.

The only support I had for the past 14 years was my best friend of 18 years and my mom. It took a long time but in May 2014 I finally left my sons father. I moved into the same house as my best friend. It's a double and she is in the downstairs of the house I'm in the upstairs. It took months of planning and saving and networking. It was supposed to be a great situation. Its a very short dead end street and quiet. My friend is a SAHM too and her kids are very close to my son. She is longtime friends with the landlord, he lives next door, and literally half the street is either friends or family to her as well. Its a very nice, tight knit community. They all were very supportive of me and my son when we moved in.

Because of my vision I can't drive, and because of my sons autism buses are next to impossible, he freaks out, not to mention the city we live in is very bad. Cabs are out of the question and so is walking. So during the months of planning before I moved, my best friend reassured me repeatedly it would be ideal for me to be here because groceries, drs appointments, laundry, toilet paper, WHATEVER I needed to go do, she could drive me. Most of it wouldn't even be going out of her way, it would just be me and my son going with her when she ran errands. I worried for months before moving here though that she would get tired of driving me everywhere but she reassured me she wouldn't. My mom also agreed to take me on errands when she came up from out of town to visit so that my friend wouldn't get burnt out.

I moved in and for the first 3 or so months it worked great. I made a lot of great friends and had support. Then my best friend started seeming jealous her friends were getting along so well with me so I pulled back so I wouldn't hurt her or ruin our friendship. My friend started ignoring me to be with her other friends all the time. I stayed quiet so I wouldn't seem jealous or needy and just politely said yes if we were invited and let my friend approach me to hang out. Then suddenly all these people started giving me the cold shoulder and I suspected my best friend was talking about me behind my back. She has a bad habit of talking really nasty about her friends and family to me a LOT. She never had talked about me before in 18 years though and we were so close I always figured I was just the one person she trusted with her secrets.

But it turned out she was talking about me because she didn't want any of her friends liking me more and she wanted to be queen bee of the street. She orchestrated a lot of excluding of me and my son and I never said a word to confront hee because I had nobody else and I was determined not to go back to my ex and just keep our relationship as co parents. Then she started doing things like "forgetting" to tell me when she was leaving for the grocery store so even though I was planning to go, she would leave without me and then would say she wasn't going back till the next week, I ran out of milk several times, I ran out of pull ups for my son, we ran low on food several times etc. Then she started randomly going to the store very late at night so I would have to keep my son up till almost 1 in the morning if we needed food or toilet paper or whatever. We also go to food pantries monthly and she started skipping them even if I needed to go and making excuses about it to me. She would cancel going to do laundry and my son would run out of clothes because he has accidents sometimes with his sensory issues.

My mom was having health problems and couldn't come up every month to help. It got to the point where I had to call my ex for rides to the dr, to get food, and things like that. I literally had nobody else. Then the more I had to ask him for help the more my friend stopped helping me. She would tell me last minute she was going somewhere and my ex would come watch our son so I could get food or go to the bank and my friend would stay gone for hours. If i mentioned that I needed to go home she would make excuses. Again, i didn't push it because I didn't want to rely on my ex anymore then I was.

Last summer our friendship started to unravel. Our birthdays are a week apart and we always go out to eat and get each other a gift and card. Last year I did that for her and me and a few of her other friends took her to a movie and dinner. Fast forward a week and I wasn't expecting anything HUGE for my birthday, but I at least thought there would be something. All day nothing was said and finally my friend said come over. I go over and she gave me some cupcakes that she made..... from the extra batter leftover from a cake she was making her other friend. And that was it. Not even a card. Okay I said nothing because I didn't want to be ungrateful. But after that she pulled away more so I pulled away more. Any time she needed me emotionally I was there though, i bought her kids food a few times, i watched her kids, i loaned her money a few times (not a lot but it was a stretch for me) but she barely spoke to me anymore and was spending literally every day with a new friend.

Last September my mom died suddenly. My friend was there for me for a couple days then just brushed it off and that was it. Now I had nobody. At all. Over the summer I had started working on things with my ex. He was sober and working with mental health professionals and looking for work and trying to get into rehab and working with me to find relationship counseling. When my mom died I was devastated and i felt so alone and so lost. I let him stay with me for a bit to see if we could finally make it work. I had nobody and was scared. He fell off the wagon and everything fell apart since then. He refuses to leave now and is nasty most of the time. My friend barely spoke to me for months and I finally confronted her in December. She acted like i was crazy and nothing was different. Her and her friends spent some time with me for a few weeks and I thought I could get back on my feet but she went back to barely acknowledging me.

I confronted her again 2 weeks ago and she blew up at me, said horrible things, wouldn't acknowledge anything i said, made fun of me online and lied to everyone in the neighborhood and almost everyone took her side immediately and wont speak to me. I said mean but true things back and she got so insanely nasty with lies and now literally I am alone, back in an abusive relationship with an addict who is mentally ill. Sorry to have written a book, but i am totally lost and know Ill be bashed for being stupid but I didn't know what else to do or who else to turn to for any help but him. Idk what I'm even asking for even. Im just so lost and depressed and scared and i hate myself right now.