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Horrible Wife

I am a lazy, whiny, scared and quickly becoming an alcoholic wife. I had a full-time,  albeit miserable job, for six years. I couldn't take the poor treatment anymore so I stood up for myself in an apparently unprofessional manner and got myself fired. Anyway, long story short it's been rough. I am married to the most wonderful,  tolerant,  terrific person who treats me wonderfully.  We will be married 20 years this June. We have 3 great sons. I love him but I am dragging him down.  He has a successful business but unfortunately it is not able to fully provide. I have a part-time job but am earning peanuts. We can't make ends meet and are having to apply for food stamps to feed our family. I've had carpal tunnel surgery in the last year and a half with permanent damage. If I get another office job it will be permanently unusable. Our youngest has type 1 diabetes which requires insurance. If I get a full-time office job I could lose our medicaid and the use of my hand. I am always bummed out and only continue to bring my husband down. My mother ran out on me when I was very young and I am seriously considering doing the same to spare my spouse. He has done nothing to deserve such a pitiful useless wife. I drink when I'm sad which is pretty much all the time. I see myself becoming an alcoholic and not being good for anything or maybe even having a car accident so insurance can help him. I am at my wits end and feel so incredibly alone and lost. No money no hope

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