mntstar's mind

The sky

Once full of light like the sun

Now a spinning black hole

My mind the same

The will to live fading

Like the evening glow

Soon it will be gone

The will to live

Th power to resist the darkness

To be free of problems

To get out of bed: a struggle to stand

To look after my brother, helpless

Helpless to do anything except die

Would it hurt?

Would it feel like heaven?

Would I finally be free?

Of pain?

Of hurt?

I begin to cut

To assure myself that I can still feel

Sometimes,

I feel dead

And wish it was true

I fade at school

No friends, they all left

Depresstion

Grades falling

To fade

To forget

To be happy, for a short time

Like drugs

It's a deadly cycle

Want

Eat

Want

Eat

It never stops

You walk beside me
And hold my hand
Expectations high
Intensive demand
You let go, I rage and scream
The light extinguished, that holy beam
The thought of you lingers
And wraps around me tight
Through the bright days
And the somber lonesome nights
This thought, sufficating
Engulfing my throat
Building up, wanting to explode
This friend I trusted is choking me now
I thought, what is this? why? and how?
For some reason though
I always come back
Falling prey
To that vicious attack
You entered my soul
And smothered it with ashes
From this another part of me
Breakes down and crashes
You held out a hook, and I was baited
For this, I thougt, I will be forever elated
This vision you show will never be reached
Unless I surrender and all on my knees
But this I can not do
Just to please

What do you see when you look at me
Do you see smiles
So you see laughter
Do you see all the happiness
Or do you see past the front to what really lies beneath
Do you see the walls I put up to keep them out
Do you see all the tears that stained my face
Do you see the fears that I try to hide
Do you see the scars inside of me
Those scars that won't let me free
Those scars that run deep inside
Those scars that mar my soul
Those scars I try so hard to hide
So do you see the truth in me or just the truth I want you to see

When your soul reaches the black depths of the eternal monster, you will hear a laugh.

A laugh that will make your entier being shake, and want to scream.

You will be in it's domain, in it's domain.

You will cry out in agony, as every last drop of your humanity drained,

There will be silence.

The Tormentor will rip the mask off his face.

Behind the mask there will be a face, a face of virtue, a face of despair.

You will remember the face that has haunted your dreams.

I will make you remember.

I will cast your body on the black broken soil of your life.

Your heart will bleed, bleed the length of the Nile and then some.

Your crying will be silent, no one wants to hear you.

You will know what it is like to have no one to care for you.

You will know what it is like to be worthless.

I will make you worthless.

I will make you a slave of your own devices.

I am your Tormantor, the Final judge.

Your soul will be ripped usunder.

Your cries unheeded.

Before me you will die.

As I have, before you, died.

There will be no ceromony, this is it.

Dreams so dark
Dreams so deep
It's a wonder  I can sleep

Rivers  dark
Oceans red
The colors of blood are in my head

Enemies above
Conflict below
reasons why I do not know

I look to life
I look for the light
I cling to my pillow all the night