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Faceless runaway

Okay so have never really reached out before I'm extremely depressed ! I'm always sad grouchy and I can't help it ! I set back and wonder with all that  has gone on in my life what is it that's my trigger? What sets me off ? Why is it I want to cry ? I have no clue so today I'm going to share my train wreck of a life story !   I was born in to what was an already dysfunctional family ! Which consist of my mother Mel my ,dad mike,my sister Casey ,and my brother Joey ! To start off my mother was an old timely hippey had a drug addiction to meth.at a young age  ! Had my brother at 19 with her previouse husband who was hung to death when my brother was 18 month old ! She then married my father only a few years later and had my sister 9 years later in 1983. They had a pretty good family ! Road trips ,camping they did and gad it all my mother then started   to waitress at a big deal bar in town ! She made awesome money it was all she could ask for . Well like everything what comes up must come down  she then found out she was pregant with me   Mind you her Fallopian tubes were cut tied and burned prior it like ten years before ! Anyways she got the news of me told her buss and they recommended an abortion! Naturally my mom refuses and caries me to term and gies right back to work well I think she made it till I was three till they fired her because her back was going out and she needed surgery ! She lost her mind literally got strung out on drugs alcohol staying gone days on in and my first actual memory as a child is begging my mom down from the pool deck  where she was amstanding holding my dad's twenty two revolver to her head !!! I was only two ! Skip forward abouta year I'm 3 now  I'm watching lion king sitting on the floor while my sister sleeps in the couch . Things get real vauge but my uncle I rember was sitting next to me in shorts and he exposed his self to be and I didn't know what it was I go blank there I have no clue bother then he put me in his lap ! About 2 years latrr my sister and get grind and I were all hanging out and they were doing the regular teen thing gossiping   And sharing secrete when I spoke up and I know how boys look turns out he had bein doing things to her to ! Concerned I had been hurt she told my mom , I rember going one time talking to a cos oresion showing on a doll what happened ! Nothing happened to that man ever and I still don't know what he did to me !Flash forward about 7 years I'm 13 now my mom not being around ever dad worked all the time it was up to me to raise my self ! My brother and sister got non drugs my brother became delirious and berry violent he threw me in to the windshield while my mother was driving threatening to kill me if she stopped ! Another time he kicked in my sisters face ! Stoke guns and all kinds of scary stuff ! My mother refusing to press charges on him came if as a way if choosing him over me I was a kid he was a addict ! I then moved in to my sisters house where at 13, I was introduced to pot , meth , Xanax , and vicodine! I struggled with drugs and depression for years flash forward I'm 15 nice I'm sexually active and been on drugs for two years ! I don't rember much those years but I do rember the day before Christmas 2009 we found out my mom had stage 4 nonoperable cancer and had two month left she got real sick lost simple skills and eventually we had to put her in a drug induced coma she passed 23 days before my 16 birth day ! That's only half my story stay tunned I'll go on more tomorrow oh ps if you have any advice on how I should handle the things that happened when I was a lil girl that I don't rember   Please help

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