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17/04/12

Permalink 03:22:10 pm by RECOV, Categories: recov111

self -esteem ,Rejection is a Blessing

When I consider rejection and being let down and people lieing to me. I don't generally take it very well and  often find that I think  thoughts such a

something is wrong with me ,what did I ever do to you, no one cares about me, why are you lying to me.

situations that trigger these thoughts that I can think of are

some one letting me down for a social outing,Not replying or saying no to spending time with me repeatedly,Losing touch with a friend,a new boyfriend etc... not ringing me and when I supect some one is lying to me.

While serching the net for how to handle rejection and not taking it personallily I found the following conversation on rejection and self-esteem on a blog. I thought I would be great to share it as It requires a compleate change of attitude

At a party erin talks to Adam

Erin: Adam, you seem to have really good self-esteem.

Adam: What do you mean?

Erin: Well, I've seen you at parties and you just walk up to girls and ask them to dance or ask them out on dates, and even when they say "no" you just keep right on going to the next girl.

Adam: (shrugging) Yeah. Why would I stop just because someone said "no?"

Erin: But don't you feel rejected? Don't you wonder why they didn't want to dance with you or go out with you? Don't you worry that there's something wrong with you?

Adam: Ah, I see your problem. Let me explain my philosophy. I approach girls I'm interested in spending time with. If they don't want to dance or date me, I assume there's a situation or circumstance on their end that makes my offer unwelcome. I don't take it personally.

 

Erin: You mean, you don't assume it's because there's something wrong with you?

Adam: No, there could be a lot of reasons a girl says "no" to me. Maybe she's tired, she has a boyfriend, she's busy chatting with her girlfriends and doesn't want to be bothered, her feet hurt, she doesn't want to drink, etc. I never assume it's because there's anything wrong with ME. In the absence of direct evidence, why would I assume there's something wrong with ME? The way I look at it, she's not saying no to ME, she's saying no to my question. There's a difference.

Erin: What if she tells you she thinks you're a troll or ugly or disgusting?

Adam: Then I assume she has a distorted view of reality and I probably wouldn't want to date her anyway. If she's that critical and harsh, then I'm glad to have weeded her out before dating her.

Erin: So you never get rejected?

Adam: I get rejected all the time, it just doesn't bother me in the slightest. I never take it personally. I take it as a sign of incompatibility and move on until I find something I can connect with. I don't invest my entire sense of self-worth in getting one single girl to go out with me. That would be silly. There's no way that every girl on the planet will be a match for me. So I'll keep going until I find someone I connect with who wants to connect with me.

I remember having a huge shift in my thinking after our conversation, and I realized that rejection is about beliefs. You can adopt the belief that if someone rejects you then it means there's something wrong with you. Or you can adopt the more empowering belief that if someone rejects you then it means they're rejecting the situation, not you.

In the absence of direct evidence to the contrary, why not assume the rejection was based on circumstance, instead of on you?

What if you adopted the belief that rejection is a blessing? After all, rejection helps you quickly weed out people or circumstances that are not a vibrational match for you. It's easier to move on when you are not stuck wondering what you need to change in order to get approval from someone with whom you're not really a match. Check them off your list and move on to the next person or circumstance.

Don't chase approval. Be who you are, be confident in yourself, and go out and find the people and circumstances that are a match for you!

 

Taken from

http://www.erinpavlina.com/blog/2011/07/rejection-is-a-blessing/

11/04/12

Permalink 04:55:24 pm by RECOV, Categories: recov111

triggers

Well this week has been a good week for me so far I have felt much better then last week my work has improved and I am back to making little mistakes. However this has got me on to the thought of what triggers my depression.

 

Last week at the start of the week I could feel me self getting uneasy and pent up and maybe a little bit obsessed about a new man who I have just started seeing who was well messing me about a bit. As a result of this I was arguing at work and making some serious mistakes, my confidence hit a all time low and I started putting me self down to others and day dreaming about situations that would never happen. I also started to rise later and later and was late for work 3 out of 5 days.

 

On reflection I realied that  in the past when I had been dating other men and they hadrnot contacted me for a period of time or rejected me I had eirthe gone out and got very drunk and done something stupid or it has triggered a week or more of deep thinking, inability to do much and a whole lot of mistakes and loss of self confidence.

 

I am still trying to work out what it is with men or anyone , letting me down that would trigger such craxy intence feelings and how I can stop this having a effect on the quality of work I do and every new habit that I have adopted to make me better. Currently these in the past  are putting important things away. I stragigy to get out of bed , stopping smoking  and also communication on a regular basis to other s in my social circle.

In general I hate the first stage of dating because you always get told, How are you single. your amazing etc.... then at the end its your not anything etc.........

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

09/04/12

Permalink 03:23:55 pm by RECOV, Categories: recov111

Me

I come hear today as I think that having a outlet to let me feelings go may do me some good. I have been writing my feelings down for some time now but ended up with bits of paper all around the house and some very good evidence of my wows on the computer.

Well I little about me. I am a graduate who graduated in 2008  Ido not have a career, but still working my part time job from uni I am still single and by all means have very little friends now compaired to the small circle of friends which I cherished though university.. I now know I have suffered from depression my whole life but I never really realised what the cause of this was however discovering I had very bad dyslexia and dyspraxia when I was 21 made a lot more sence to me.

I know I can be very down on my self and suffer from low self confidence and lack of positivity is something I transmit to others when I am not happy aboout something. Some times I go the other way where I feel very self confident and even go as far as to work really hard and become obsessed with getting things right . Also going out and partying and having fun is also something I do well. I also have difficultiy in understanding others communication and find it hard to pick up on small verbal clues people give, often meaning I can not understand the gist of what people are trying to do and start taking it personally. I also have a really bad short term memory which never helps much in terms of work and organisation skills. I constantly get things wrong as I have little attention to detail.

Some people I talk to though seem to think I have a lot to offer. I have my own rented place, Own car and a full time job.   . I am told I am very good looking and never have trouble finding a date. However do have trouble keeping them interested beyond the 3rd date. I also have a good mum and dad who are there for me always and who I spend time with regularly. I do have one social activity which involves keeping fit but even after 2 years I struggle to feel at ease with in terms of socialising it still seems a bit of a struggle to do.

 

There are a few major things that has happened in my past which has effected the person I am today.. Firstly there is bullying when I was younger by older kids at school. Then there was bullying again at work in my first job when leaving uni. This lasted about two year and completly destroyed who I was This has also taken me to two years to get over. Lastly there was the boyfriend who cut me off for 3 years from having any kind of social life which I did get back when we split up.

 

Thats about all for me for today. Think I feel better already.

 

Quote one: the only failer in life is not to try

 

 

 

 

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