A petty jealousy
A friend of mine recently discussed with me how common depression is and how he feels it affects many of our mutual friends and acquaintences. He takes the matter of depression very seriously indeed and I appreciate that, although I have not revealed to him my own experiences.
I am disgusted with myself somewhat to find i was annoyed following this conversation.
I don't self harm anymore but I find that my scars are an integral part of how I identify myself. I've said before that a part of me takes a sort of pleasure or satisfaction from my own suffering - that my troubles helped make me unique. My journey with depression has been very personal to me and I find it frustrating to share ownership of that with others, especially when many of those people I have been jealous of in many other respects - socially, physically, materialistically etc. I have a petty jealousy or territorial anxiety over the realm of depression, as if having many others in my social circle suffering from depression devalues my own journey.