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25
Jun

Labeling.

Someone should just put a label on me right now.
Depression, Bipolar, Personaity disorder, when will it stop?
Why are we given an illness we cant see?
I would rather have cancer. Yeah, i said it.
I would rather had an illness i can see and understand.
If you have a visable illness, people support you.
I've lost all my friends. I've lost pretty much everything.
I'm still hanging in there, but for what? Why am i doing this?
If this is what my life is like at 16, i dont want to see my future.
I dont want your pitty, and your bullshit.
I just want to have a good old fashioned bitch about this toxic desease.

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24
Jul

The difficult times.

Well its 7:12 in Australia, and thats probly the only good thing today. Its getting closer to my 16th birthday, which is september 19th. Not that anyone honestly wants to know. Im in my room, just being sad. The parents are fighting again.. My step dad seems to be sick, and mums stressed to the limit. Im worried because i dont want to loose another parent. My dad died when i was a little girl and now i feel as though i could lose another. I dont think im ready to grow up. Im too weak, and im too scared to face the future myself. I guess alot of children worry about their parents dying, but not many see it happen... I dont know.
I just want to be happy you know? Theres this great guy in my life, and he said i could always talk to him.. except when i called hes drunk and irritated. Real great. I feel like total crap. I dont even see the point to this stupid message im writing but i just needed to write something... anything at all.

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20
Jul

The Night.

Im confused and i dont know exactly what im feeling. But then again, i never do.
I write endless lines to share with  strangers over a cold metal peice of technology hoping at least one soul can relate.
I've never been the brightest child, or the most successful but i try and sometimes it goes un-noticed.
If there was one thing i could change in this world, i would change what is wrong with me. It sounds selfish i know, but then again its not what you think. See, my mum cries endless tears and has sleepness nights knowing her baby girl is in so much pain, and she cannot stop it. As a mother, how would you cope? I couldnt do it for sure. On top of my illness,  i feel guilt and sorrow for the pain i inflict on others, without knowledge of doing so. I never want to hurt anyone, but every choice you make in life affects someone negitively. Its 10:28pm in Australia, my home, and i sit on my bed knowing ive got hours left to lye awake and dwell in my own pitty.

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18
Jul

A search for understanding

Im only 15 years old. I've has Major Depression since i was 12. I just dont understand why this happens to people. Im sitting on my laptop shedding a few tears whilst i try to let my feelings out. Even though its not, i feel though this only happens to me. I feel like i must be that worthless that i deserve all this incredibly pain. The worst part is... when people ask you whats wrong, what can you possibly tell them to make them understand? I've tried. I just recieve a blank expression. People tell me depression is only for the weakest of people, and now i dont know what to believe. Im sick of the medication, but i know without it im not any better. Isnt that what we are all looking for? Just a simple way to make everything go away?

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