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Oct. 22, 2014

Hi. Today I cried all night. I am married to a man who puts his side of the family first. I have all but left mines behind for him just to find he doesn't understand how alone I feel when his parents criticize me and call me dumb and his sister tells me I am a bad mom. However, I still have to cook, clean and be happy around them as if those words mean nothing to me. He doesn't understand because even if he does something wrong, he has his family behind him. But me? My family is on the other side of the world. How do I tell them I am unhappy? I have no friends. I have no one to turn to. I treat others kindly. I never speak harsh of anyone, but in turn, I do not get the same treatment. I am so totally alone. Even if I cry all night and day, I would hear no kind word nor a shoulder to cry on. Is this what I deserve?

I started thinking of someone else, and I just thought to myself, what have I done? I am avoiding this person, and yet I keep imagining another life where I am not so confined and controlled. Right now, I am just heartbroken. Heartbroken to have kept myself away from everything I loved. My family. My friends. I don't need a temporary imaginary fling to understand what I am doing to myself. I am deprived.

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