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3 Pictures

July 11th, 2010

Picture 1

Within this walking dream wakes terror in soul

Soul slips and thinks no more

The strike of steel upon naked flesh

It brings energy only to the beat that drains life away

When life's juices seep slowly through the skin

 

Picture 2

This crystal, held only by a heart and forced breath

It lasts there, seemingly longer each day

There until its end

The end, the time blackness rules

And steals shape, form, no longer leaving a crystal

Nothing special, nothing new

All the same

Until it is no longer there

And gone

 

Picture 3

It's all I see

Damned silver linings surround each cloud?

Streaked with gray, sunbeams swallow me.

Dreams dance before eyes, screaming in darkness

Wishing and praying to nothing, for nothing

A black and empty void

Drowning in tides, protected by fragile, shining glass

Waiting for a wave to shatter this case

And pool in to kill me.

First Time for Everything...

July 11th, 2010

Okay, first I have to say that blogging is really weird. I've never done this before and I doubt anyone actually cares about anything I have to say, but hey, there's always a first time for everything. Like the First time I didn't have schoolwork ready on time. It was a few months ago, during school obviously, but it was just like I couldn't drag myself to do that frikking assignment. I mean, it would have taken maybe 5 minutes, but I just couldn't make myself grab a pencil and do it. So it followed like that for the rest of the year, my grades tanked, and my parents just bombed me with whys. It's not like I can tell them though. I can't tell anyone. That's why I'm here. It's release energy here or go back and start cutting myself again. After the first time cutting, it doesn't really hurt much anymore, so I've found. And it's a great release, feeling a warm liquid flowing from under your skin, like bulimia almost. Purging myself of this terrible life, instead of pounds. I've never paid much attention to weight, I've never really cared at all, but I guess I'm not eating much anymore either because I'll always find myself dizzy or disoriented, and with no energy at all. So maybe I'm not eating? I don't really remember much, and I don't care. As long as I don't have to talk to anyone about it really. As long as they don't notice. Luckily, they haven't. I've been up 'til 3am or 4am most days and getting up at 7. I just can't fall asleep. And if I do, it's always the alarm clock getting me up and it was never any good sleep in the first place. I guess there's a problem? I've looked it up on the Internet and it says this is depression, since it's lasted (at least this bad) for 6 or maybe 7? months. But really, I've just never been very happy with my life. For 6 or 7 years or something about that. years just drip by and it's all I can do to at least appear like I can keep up. The Internet calls this a mental illness. Depression and wanting to kill yourself, but I think it's just reality. Maybe destiny? nah I don't believe in that stuff. I don't see wanting to die as a problem, especially when living is the biggest problem you have anyway. So, I guess maybe you hope to see me back on this blog again? I hope not. I hope I'm blasted off this rock as soon as I get my plan. Well, as long as I'm still here, it's not too late? Positivity is too hard to come up with. Reality: Life Sucks. A lot. I just want to leave. Alone.


 

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