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Sometimes I find it easier to lay in bed, close my eyes, and shut the world out then I do actually getting up and having to face the day.

Why me?

In the darkness at night, I sit and I wonder why?

Why would someone be put through this much pain?

Why would someone have to suffer like this?

Why would someone have to harm themselves in order to feel anything?

Why am I the only one who seems to be this way?

Why me?


In the darkness at night, I sit and I wonder why?

And I wait, and wait but I get no reply.


You told me you were here for me. You told me you'd never leave. You told me that if I ever needed someone, I could always talk to you. You told me I'd never be alone.

But in the middle of the night, when I can't sleep, so many thoughts and regrets keeping me awake, I am alone. With no one next to me, no one to talk to, no one to rely on to save me from myself. So I make a memory mark on my own skin. One for the people who walked out on me and made me this way. One for the fact that I'm not good enough for anyone. One for the fact that I hate who I am. And one for the fact that no matter what, I am alone. 
And no one can come rescue me.

No one

My dad just called me down to dinner.

I wonder if he knows I've stopped eating in fear that I'll gain too much weight.

My sister just asked to borrow my sweater.

I wonder if she knows I wear it to cover my scars.

My friend just asked me to come out tonight.

I wonder if she knows I'll never come because I secretely don't want to see anyone.

My friend just told me I was beautiful.

I wonder if he knows how much I hate the way I look.

I wonder if anyone even knows me anymore.

But I know that no one really does.

Swallowed by Depression

It's the same thing every day....

Wake up, get ready, go to school, fake a smile to anyone I see, go home, and hide away from everyone. Some days I go out, hangout with friends and pretend I'm a normal, happy teenage girl....

No one gets me... No one knows what happened that day to change my life... No one knows what I've been through since I was a kid that made me this way... It's one thing to another... I'm always messing up or doing something wrong.... I don't know what's wrong with me.. All I've ever wanted was to forget the past and move on... Be happy again. But I can't forget the past when every day is a different battle... Sometimes, I think about giving up... Thinking there's no way I'm making it out of this alive... Maybe one day things will get better.... Doesn't look like that'll be anytime soon though.

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