So as I sit here watching the snow blow around with the wind I am reminded at how alone I truly am. Mom passed away 2 years ago this past February and she was my best friend. My Dad is the old school, dont show emotion kind of guy but I know he loves me. Just wonder if he or anyone for that fact will ever really understand me.

I just dont care anymore, I didnt shower for 4 days, I am unemployed and on the verge of losing my apartment, my health has gone down the toilet. I have 6 sisters and I barely stay in contact with them. The one I do have contact with doesnt know how to deal with me when I get so down it is just easier to be alone. I don't have a significant other to lean on in these hard times, Im a single mommy and he is the reason I push on every day. There have been many, many days I wish I didn't wake up though.

I am supposed to go see a therapist on Thursday, have no clue how that will go, not one to blab. The depression has steadily been getting worse, the anxiety and irritation are so "normal" anymore I don't know what a day without them is. After being gone from this area for 20 years and to move back there is not much here for me.  I don't go anywhere, don't really have friends to do things with and not confident enough to go alone.

The hardest hit was yesterday when I found out an ex coworker found a job, I feel that I am not good enough, that I am not worthy, that I am just a plain ol piece of shit no one wants.