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3rd november 2010

times are getting worse and da days are torture. ive lost my baby and my good friend i didnt sleep last nyt at all i hate it  imm back doing SI again reall real bad and i need help i need a friend i wish i had mia :'( she was my nli lil girl and i love her to bits a miss her so much last nyt i just cried and cried some1 i met had lied to me i trusted him and i cared bout him so much i just wanna talk to him but i cant i found outt he is married with 4kids it broke my heart

i havent cried this much in a while im just cryn over netyn and bout everything i wanna talk to him his d a nli friend i got i need him ive lost every1 and i feel so alone he goes to da chat rooms too and its hard going dare reminding me bout wen u he told me and i just miss chatting i cudnt go school 2day because of it! i just cudnt 2 hard to see pple smiling and laufn something ill never do again

Honestly i cant go on not nemore ive no1 left :'(

ive lost my baby and my daughter and da person i cared for im so hurt i never taught he d do dis to me i just want it all to go away and just stop everything and live my life again . Now all i can do is lye in bed and cry i cant take it

31 oct 2010

Well Last Nyt i stayed at my nans i needed a break my dad has started back drinking bad and attacked me again so im gonna be stayn at my nans now ive a check up tuesday now for a scan :) cant belive i 15weeks nearly 16weeks im act very good today just getting pain in my stomach. Im quite happy i think cos i get to see my therapist and im back to school and its a good distraction :) 2nyt i myt just sleep or talk in chat

im starting to feel pain 2day feeling is coming back to me. And it even hurts to type now or just move my hand in general well i gotta go i have to cook da dinner for my mam ill be back to write nore later

Well today was going good i must say expect for now ehh i got carried home by the guards 2nyt and im hiding in my room from my dad because im gonna get it 2nyt believe me

30th oct 2010

Well I Just Starting a Blog Now ,today was a bit messed up ive been having such a few hard days im just outta hospital again ive ive started cutting worse dan ever im at my worst ive ever been.I Feel like i cant go on ne more and with this i wouldnt be here ne more im just sitting her drinking how sad am i. Im 15 weeks pregnant and i dont wanna be ne more its so hard with Mia (my daughter) gone ill feel like im replacing her i dunno what to do nemore i miss her so much im just so angry ive never had a temper b4 i lost my lil girl she was my world i miss her lil smiles and her hugs when she new i was upset i miss seen her laugh and her being so happy just made me 4get about my past and always managed to put a smile on my face i miss it now im never smilign just tryn to firgire out how to go on in life anymore .I havent seen my therapist in a week cos im on midterm and i see her threw skool. Im On my final year dare b4 college and i just cant concentrate and study to get what i want and sit dare and think is dare ne point nemre i dont wanna go on with my girl. Shes So Cutie She was a gorg child..I loved her to bits da nlii thing good in my life and her father took her life away from me.I member dat day like it was yesterday so messed up she was just playing in da garden and i went in da phone was ringing and her father used always say he ill get me back for hurtn him and i will suffer so he took mia and crashed da car and killed dem both. I Just Dunno Why Cudnt he have killed me taken my life expect my lil gitl she was 2 u now how could u do dat.I had another fight with my mum 2day its constant lately.I walked outta da hospital without discharging i cudnt stay nemre i didnt want da help like i sopose im scared and confused bout what i want anymore . I must go now its so late here and i ruining outta things to say my day was a boring but dramatic one i sopose .

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