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Fighting the good fight
This is an extract from an e-mail I sent my friend Karen last night. I've had real trouble being able to put into words what I have been feeling the last two weeks. This is horrible because people around me don't know how to help me and I feel like there s impenetrable wall between me and them. A very lonely and desolate feeling. This letter sums up my goal as best as I could
03 June 2010:
Today would have been the 26th birthday of Bronwyn, she was a little girl I went to school with and was good friends with. She died of cancer when she was only ten years old. Tonight we and the rest of my old classmates scattered across the world lit a candle for her. One thing that I will always remember about her is how hard she fought- 3 weeks before she died she was still determined to go to school.In 2003 another very good friend of mine, Bonita was died after a car accident. I will always feel guilty about Bonita because I feel that I wasn't as good of a friend to her as she was to me.
The thing that Bronwyn and Bonita had in common is that they were both fighters and even though they died young both of them lived their lives fully. After Bonita died I couldn't go to her funeral because she lived on the other side of the country, her parents send me the program and her obituary. Right underneath her picture was this:
I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith. Now there is in store for me the crown of righteousness, Which the Lord, the righteous Judge will award to me on that day- And not only to me, But to all who have longed for his appearing
2 Timothy: 7-8
One of the hardest lessons I've had to learn is that winning a race is not as important as finishing it. I have always hoped that that verse could be used in my obiturary one day.... although I feel a little guilty- I want to give up more then I want to press on and you know my position with the Lord . In terms of a race... I'm still sitting in the middle of the track staring at the damn finish line and not budging.
This is my message to you today- fight the good fight and finish race. Here is a little inspiring video to drive home my point. I can still remember this like it was yesterday...
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Thank you so much for that post. It really hit home for me.
And as for friends not being able to break through... I'm afraid there is no easy answer to that one. All you can do is explain that it is not thier fault that they cannot reach you. Explain that you need to focus on yourself right now, and hope like hell that they are still there when you beat the depression down. I remember that some friends were still there on the other side for me, others were not. It's the ones who truly counted who were.