Symphony

This is my first blog. I'm not sure if it belongs here. But I just want to write how I feel. Want to get comment's from people that I don't know and will not see every day. Why is that much more easy than talking to your loved once? Am I scared of what they think? I have a great family and a boyfriend that I think I can talk about every thing but some times I just want to write down my thoughts without talking about them to those who are closest to me. They, the thoughts, don't always have meaning. Some times it just good to 'talk out loud'.

Excuses. English is not my first langue so I will make spelling errors, grammar errors etc. For me it is easier to express myself in english. I don't know why.

So, that's why I started this blog. I thought maybe this would be the right place beacause most of my thoughts/feelings are emotional.I would say taht I'm a person with A LOT of emotions. Some times I don't know what to do with them. When I was younger I would go down to the basement and just scream, scream until my lungs couldn't take more. For me this was a great way to get out feelings/emotions that I couldn't figure out what to do with.

I often wonder why I am the way I am. Why do I tear up just talking about ordenery things. Why am I shy. Why aren't I BIG inside, why can't I handle adversity. How come I get angry at litle stupid things.

For example. Tonight, I'm studying for exams. My boyfriend and I mate a date to talk tonight. My boyfriend lives in another town. So, I hit him up on MSN and ask if we are still on for the phone-date. He replays; "Oh I'm going out. My friend just got into down and we are meeting at "Jakes" house". I got really mad/dissapointed and sad. We haven't talk for two hole day's. We are used to talk every single night. I know I felt bad about this. He is a sweet guy and I know he wouldn't hurt my feelings. BUT it was his idea to make a phone date tonight. I wasn't sure because I'm studying but he persist. And then this happens. And I can't help thinking "how come he didn't just ring and tell me about his change plans"? A short phone call would have been better than none! If I haven't talked to him on MSN, would he tell me about his changed plans...

Am I so wrong to be angry/sad or am I just making a big deal out of notthing.

Sometimes I'm not sure if my feelings are right.