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Something's got to give..

I can't wait for the day that I can write a positive blog. Ugh, what a week. I missed a full week of work due to my back. So, on top of all the other crap that I'm going through; now my back decides to act up. It's times like these that I wonder if there is some powerful force out there beyond our/my comprehension. Something out there like the gods/godesses of ancient times. Using us as entertainment and receiving joy from our suffering. That's the thing that sucks about being an Atheist I guess; I've got nothing to blame the obstacles in my life on except myself. Everything seems to become surreal in such instances. Here I am. One week left to come up with nearly a thousand bucks to pay my rent and I've missed a full week of work. Now, I'm tearing my ass off and trying to figure out how to make this much cash in no less than a week. I mean, come on. Something's got to give. I feel myself becoming detached from this world. It's a strange feeling. I'm here and I can see everything falling apart. Yet, I'm not anxious; I'm not upset; I'm a little pissed. But, that's it. I feel that my anxiety and depression have been exhausted to the point that I'm no longer able to feel anything but dazed and somewhat confused. This new feeling of neutrality and numbness has me somewhat concerned. I'm wondering if this is a permanent thing or if, within the days to come; I'm going to have a complete meltdown. I'd love to hear if anyone else goes through what I'm about to write. When things are completely chaotic and life is kicking you down; do you ever get the feeling that "hmm, I don't think I'll be around much longer anyway." Or "for some reason I don't see myself reaching my next birthday." It's like, I'm so much into the present that I can't see myself in the future. It's nothing suicidal..it's just a feeling. Anyhow, I'll leave it at that. Keep on keeping on. R76

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