For the past few days I'm not feeling well. It's been 3-4 days and all I've been feeling is shitty. It's been a month since my new school year in a new school has started. Today wasn't as worst as the past 3 days. In the morning I was feeling pretty good, but as the day start to end, I start to feel horrible.
My thoughts of worthlessness has come back to me. I feel worthless and lonely. I feel stupid, I feel dumb, I just feel shitty. I don't know what to do every time I feel like I want to cry. And when I do, because of how independent and strong I try to make myself seem, I hold in my tears and it just doesn't come out anymore.
Lately I've been very curious about bipolar depression. I have always question myself on if I have this personality disorder ever since I was 7, but I never have the chance to tell my doctor anything about this. I really want to step forward and figure out the truth about me. I've been looking up bipolar depression and comparing my symptoms with the symptoms of bipolar depression. I match up with quite a few. Don't they say that some personality disorder can be past on by genetics? My grandma died of suicide and my dad has/had depression. How can I step forward and what are some of the ways I can help myself find out if I have this personality disorder? I feel embarrassed talking about something feeling related with strangers, like my doctor.