Behind The Mask

i did not write this poem i found it online and it kinda made me think.

you missed all my smiles

you missed all my tears

you missed all my laughs

you missed all my fears

do you ever think of me?

do you ever wonder?

do you know what im scared of

lightning or thunder?

do you want to know me

do you want to see

the person who i am

and the person i will be

do you have a picture

that you hold in your hand

or are you too scared

to know who i am

So today my sister informed me that i need to start sticking up for myself, its a different stroy however when its her im telling no, no you cant lend money, no you cant have a cigarette, she seems to think that i should tell everyone no but her. kinda double standard there i think. i dunno sometimes i just wish i could lock myself away from everyone in my family. i havent told them (or anyone for that matter) about my depression so i feel like im wearing a mask around them 24/7.

Im glad i have you guys to talk to otherwise id be even lonlier then i already am. Some people think that being lonely means not having anyone, im not saying theyre wrong when they say that but i dunno if im the only one who feels like this but i can be in a room full of people i know and still feel like im the only person in the room.

I must admit coming to the chat helps more than i thought it would. Just being able to talk to someone about random crap lifts my spirits so much. Im glad i found you guys :).

Ciao For Now

The Real Me

I miss being a kid, I miss birthday parties in class with cupcakes and spelling tests with the bonus word being "happiness". I miss being able to run around playing freeze tag all day without getting tired then putting my head on my pillow at night and knocking right out with no worries or cares. I miss eating however much I wanted without a thought and curling up on the couch with a good book and not getting up until it was finished. I miss running home to watch power rangers and the fresh prince and waking up on saturday morning for cartoons. I miss not being stressed, when everything was pure and simple. But what I miss most of all is the time that seemed to never run out.

since joining this chat site iv realized something.

I've realised that something as small as a smiley, a kind word, or even just a random act of kindness can transform your day, or the day of someone else. We all know what its like to feel depressed, we have good days and bad. And yeah things may appear gloomy ahead and you may feel like giving up but if you dont keep going then youll never know whats waiting just around the corner.  im just glad i have you guys waiting inside my laptop in case its a monster waiting around the corner :P

I Heart You Guys

Lurve

The Real Moi!

ok so ive never written a blog before so i do apologize  in advance if this makes no sense what so ever...

jebus i dont know what the heck im doing. I  just, ive decided to create this first post to well to say thanks to you guys i guess.  not many of you guys know this about me but im not one to talk to *real live people*. For me coming to the chat is my way of releasing all of my pent up, well i dont actually have a word for it. its also pretty much the only social interaction i get. anyway im getting of topic blergh this isnt going how i hoped. for a long time i didnt have anyone to talk to about things, i tended to just bottle everything up but theres only so long you can do that until the bottle overflows you know? since coming here iv met a great group of people who not only seek help but give it too. i just wanted to say thanks to all of you guys, for all the times you listened. i never realized how nice it would feel to vent. anyway i feel like im babbling so THANK YOU! <3