Is it possible that the traumas in your life would stop someone from dating you? If I share my whole life story, would it scare someone away? I hold all my trauma in locked up in a secret place deep within my soul. It's hard to trust. It's hard to let go. It's hard to share. It's hard to keep it pent up inside. What to do with it. Who to trust with it. Do I go to a friend. Do I share with someone in the chat room. How do I start to share it. Where to begin. Would I be a burden. Would they feel sorry for me. I would not like that. Would they know what to say. Would they understand. Would they walk with me hand and hand. My story untold is painful to touch. How much do you bare before you implode.

I don't remember how I came upon this chat room. I just know I am I grateful I did. I like being with people who understand me without saying a word. People who encourage each other to carry on through the depression and anxiety. They encourage you to cry when you need to cry instead of sucking it up. They encourage you to talk to the person(s) you are upset with instead of holding it in. They encourage you to eat when you share you haven't eaten in a while. They encourage you to smile and laugh when you are at your lowest. They encourage you to share and release the burden of pain. And when things really are hard, (((hugs))) come from everywhere. This room is full of strangers, that I don't even know their real names, have shown unconditional care, respect and support. Thank you for that!!!

March 19, 2014

Tonight I am so sad. Two people pmed me tonight and both ended turning out bad. People please realize this is not a dating site nor a site to expose your sexual fantasies. It is a site for peers to help peers with depression or anxiety. Other conversations can take place with respect of the other person pming. I feel so upset for the two people I chatted with. I pray they will receive peace in their lives. Remember we are peers just as you are. We are not professionals and can only listen and offer advice. You have to be open to receiving it just as I do. I'm going to bed with a heavy heart.

March 18, 2014

My psychiatrist appointment is tomorrow. I have been seeing a psychiatrist for three years now. My anxiety level doubles a couple of days before I go to my appointment. I have no idea why. I trust her. She actually works with me and not domenate over me. I wish I didn't have to deal with anxiety like I do. Most of the time, I can't leave the house unless I'm out of groceries or for doctor appointments. I have no social life anymore. It is my choice to burrow away from the world. I don't blame anyone else for what I'm going through. Well, don't feel like blogging. Off to go stare at the tv as I cuddle on my coach.

:'( I don't know why I feel so sad today. I feel like I have lost a best friend and haven't. Rivers of tears are being held up by damns in my eyes. I can't explain the feeling of lose I internally feel. Dang depression please go away and don't come back. I want to be happy and go out into the world without any anxiety. I want my life back!!! :'(