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One wish

If I was given one wish today

I know what I'd use it on

I would just click my fingers

And my anxiety would be gone

I wouldn't ever worry

About the things I do

I could be just happy

Living a life thats true

I wouldn't be so frightened

Of every little thing

My life would be so happy

I could find joy in everything

My panic attacks would be over

Never again to stammer my words

I wouldn't be so nervous

I'd be singing like the birds

I wouldn't tremble with fear

At the thought of going out

Just to be so free

I would shout and run about

But my wish can not be granted

I have to stay like this

But if I had all the power

I know what I would wish.

One day

One day  I will be happy

I wont be permanently sad

One day I will feel normal

no longer feel so mad

One day I will take pleasure

in all life has to give

One day I wont think of dying

I will really want to live

One day I will leave my house

I wont be stuck inside

One day I will be smiling

with no more tears to hide

One day there will be peace

I will feel so calm

One day it wont feel necessary

to cause myself harm

One day when all this happens

just you wait and see

One day in my furture

I will be just me.

Pain

My heart begins ro race

breathing becomes much faster

Can't sit still, I start to pace

I'm scared of what comes after

My hands begin to shake

can't calm down, I am not able

How much more can I take

my body starts to tremble

The feelings are overwhelming

I need to cause me pain

Voices inside my head are screaming

taking over my brain

To cut my skin and bleed

use a knife upon my arms

A uncontrolable need

to hurt my body with self harm

Now I can breathe again

the shaking has calmed down

I enjoyed the pain

but my head begins to pound

I am ashamed of myself

can't believe it happened again

Put the feelings up on a shelf

untill the horrid voice appears again.

Inner fear

I want to write and tell you about my inner fears

all about the things, that bring on many tears

I'm afraid of going out, afraid of any crowd

I'm left a trembling mess, when things outside are loud

I even feel unsettled when answering the phone

Can't pluck up the courage, to get the door at home

I don't like talking to people, I feel so very daft

Think the things that I say or do, will only make them laugh

Change is hard for me, confusion is not nice

It leaves me feeling frightened, unsure about my life

Little things make me worry, bigger things make me cry

I can't control my emotions, no matter how I try

These are just a few things, that I struggle to do

Sometimes it's very hard just being you.

 

Voices

Please stop the voice within my head

an evil voice fills me with dread

It has my voice but it isn't me

its cruel and nasty as mean as can be

It makes me tremble it makes me cry

I cannot control it cannot say why

It affects my mood causes self harm

I just want peace I just want calm.

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