Miss. Mentsh

Six o'clock already... and I just can't seem to get anymore sleep....  I have went from fifteen hour sleeps and wanting to sleep every few hours after that to sleeping only two hours and then wanting to be awake all the time.  This is the fabulous life of the manic and depressive.   Hate the depression part, but if I can, and I usually can, get through it (the depression) without mucking things up too bad.  Of course, during that time, I think life is over and everything and everyone I am involved with is at its very worst and recovery is pretty much non existent.  Mostly, during that time, I am very bored.  I am seeking my next fix, my next high, a challenge, something to do, creativity, converstation; which would ultimately end up leading me to a naturally God given one; a sarotonin special, on the house cocktail... shaken not stirred.  Life battling this illness, needs constant structure and awareness.  I bind myself, almost legally, to my Creator, seeking guidance and structure to make sure I don't go too far off this deepend too.  I try to learn how to relax, but my goals are still always the same.   I seek purpose in what I do, I still take little pleasure in the things I have or any material fantasies.  My desire is to overcome, be well, do well, and to be a good person.  Sounds simple, but bipolar is and will always be the secret to my success.  It has pushed me to limits that I would not have saught without it.  I am deep and I desire reality.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5_-XychEyz8&feature=related