ToBeFree

I thought id never feel like this again.its been a year since been told im depressed and beenput on anti depression tablets(lexapro 20ml) they worked for a few months but lately i feel like i didlast year and i duno how to stop it.im with my boyfriend a year but kno him since we were 8 years of age.we were eachothers 1st love.i feel like my depression is gonna ruin our relationship.i cant relax,i feel tense the holetime but i cant stop myself even tho i know im doing it.im so afraid ill ruin our relationship cause of my depression.it wouldnt be the 1st relationship id ruined cause of it.when i was younger i was badly bullied and never got over it,thenas the years went by my only friends ended up been my boyfriends.id cling to them cause i had nobody else.ive one bestfriend who is a girl and lives in a different county to me so hard to see her alot.i never had many friend growning upi dunno why,i dont think im not a nice person,i know i wear my heart on my sleeve but im a nice person.all i want is friends tohang out with and talk to and i just want my boyfriend to understand why im been the way i am.i dont mean to be mean to him.im just so sad and mad at the same time cause i have nobody and since hes the only person i have i just wanna feel wanted just abit more by him.i feel myself going backwards and it kills me cause i came so far in a year and now i feel like its all for nothing and i just dunno how to stop myself from ruining everything.this week was even worse cause people i thought were my friends for the past few years basically told me im not a friend anymore.i never see them or hear from them.its like they forgot me and i blame myself.i feel like im not worth making the effort with to be my friend.nobody wants me,its all i think every day 24/7 its in my head.i just dunno what to do and how to stop feeling like this.ive talked to my doctor and shes said i cant go up on my tablets so im stuck like this :(