Monday, July 16th, 2012
New kid on the block....
I have been on SSR's for 7 years and finally weened myself off. Dec.9th 2011 . The old problems are coming back but I don't want to take the psycho drugs. They have left me abnormal after taking them. I developed other problems while on them, I gained 60 lbs, cholestrol and triglycerides through the roof and fatty liver.
I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia, depression and anxiety 10 years ago.
I am hoping there is a more natural choice to deal with my problem.
I suffer from depression and anxiety. I have never been able to eat in public or infront of others. I feel like I will vomit. I had problems in school beginning in 7th grade. I would have dry heaves while walking to school and upon arriving at school. It was terrifying. I never told anyone. I thought it was just normal. This problem still haunts me today. I have had to litterally RUN out of restaurants while dining with my husband and friends. I would hide in shrubs or behind the buildings so no one could see me incase I vomited. It is not easy.
I was put on valium at 16 for a sensitive stomach! I rarely ever took them! I would have bouts of vomiting for 12 hours straight for no reason. That began when I was very young, 5 or 6 years old.
I have panic attacks out of no where when speaking or standing infront of people. My ears ring and I feel hot and sweaty, nauseated and dizzy.
I am never satisfied, we are always moving to another house. Buy, Sell, Move. Within 3 months I am very unsatisfied and ready to move again. I get bored and frustrated easily. I am sad and unhappy. I worry constantly about everything and the new one is as I am aging (63 now) I am worrying about dying, my life passing me by. I have 5 children, 13 grandchildren but feel I have not accomplished anything in my life, that I have wasted my life. I have been married 4 times. 4 years the first 2 each time and 18 years the last 2 each time, I am still married to the 4th one. I have never been able to hold down a job longer than one year and that happened only once!
I raised 5 kids basically alone, then cared for my mother til she passed away in 98, I flew to Ohio to care for my brother til he passed away 10 years ago. I have taken women in to care for while caring for my mother and did that for 3 years. My current husband has been ill quite a bit over the last 10 years and I have nursed him back time and again. I have been a door mat for my grown children and feel very unappreciated. Just not happy.